
Issue No 55		26 May 2000

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Satire

World Bank Caves In

Extracted from The Chaser

In a victory for Seattle protestors, international monetarists have decreed that global utopia to begin immediately.

LONDON, Tuesday: In a major victory for the opponents of the global capitalist oligarchy, the World Bank's intransigent resistence to the will of the people collapsed

today, following a concerted campaign of marches and demonstrations, "guerilla gardening", riots, counter-hegemonic T-shirts and carefully drafted letters to selected daily newspapers.

The CEO of the World Bank, Australian-born James Wolfensohn, today agreed to release secret plans for a global money-free utopia that had been suppressed by the Bank as being "incompatible with its previously long-held commitment to evil".

At simultaneous press conferences, the World Bank and WTO announced a joint initiative to "dismantle the world miliatry-industrial complex" in favour of a "more gentle world which respects values of biodiversity, cultural activity, the greening of public spaces and the riding of bicycles."

Copies of the internal report, titled "A simple solution to all the world's problems", marked by the Board of Directors of the Banks as "Never to be released", were distributed to journalists and over-joyed activists today.

The policy reversal will see Wolfensohn managing a transformation of the Bank from global macro-economic powerhouse to a worm farm depot and distribution network.

"When the first wave of slogans and chanting began, I thought that we could hold out forever. But look at how fragile our house of cards really was - when the rights of the many are trampled to protect the vested interests of a few, I guess that we really do all lose."

Ever the versatile performer, the tough Australian has personally embraced the new orthodoxy in a manner befitting any new recruit: his Zegna suit remains, but tiny, three inch dreadlocks now adorn his head.

At the press conference, Wolfensohn was characteristically blunt: "To those who still hold out, in your glass towers of misery, we at the World Bank, say to you: Boom Shanka. No longer will we impose our will on poor countries through massive subsidised loans or tied aid payments. As a gesture of goodwill to the people of the least deveoped countries, I have today cut off the funding facilities to 31 least developed countries. Let the celebrations begin!"

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  Issue 55 contents

Interview: The University of Rupert
National Tertiary Education Union president Dr Carolyn Allport on News Corp's move into tertiary education and the Universitas 21 experiment.

International: The Unionist Who Sparked a Coup
Workers Online's Fiji expert Andrew Casey profiles one of the men at the centre of the crisis, detained PM Mahendra Chaudry

Unions: The Call to Action
The Australian Services Union is leading the push into the call centre industry. But winning these new workplaces is a major challenge.

Politics: Workplace Gladiators
Peter Reith as Russell Crowe? That's the image Labor IR spokesman Arch Bevis conjured up in a frecent address to the Industrial Relations Society.

History: How to be a Good Unionist
It's 1917, WWI rages and federal public servants are given these rules on how to dischare their responsibility as members.

Legal: The Price of Solidarity
Intimidation, threats and even murder still await many workers who attempt to organize in a number of countries around the world, says a new ILO report.

Review: Inconvenient History
In may be cold comfort to Republicans, but the vote for Federation was every bit as tempestuous as this collection of articles shows.

Satire: World Bank Caves In
In a victory for Seattle protestors, international monetarists have decreed that global utopia to begin immediately.

» Fiji Faces International Union Blockade

» Workers Return to Dump Reith's Third Wave

» Budget Raises More Questions than Answers

» Teachers Finally Achieve Satisfaction

» FairWear Campaign Targets Uniforms

» Rio Tinto Appeals for Industrial Peace

» Beer Hike Sparks Worker Concerns

» Libs Fail to Block Family Friendly Laws

» No Joy For 'Back Door' Pete

» Angry Truckies Converge on Border

» Unions Dues Test Case Looms

» Why Solidarity Messages Mean Something

» Radio Free East Timor Rocks

» The Soapbox

» Sport

» Trades Hall

» Tool Shed

» Neale's Spot On!

» Silence on the GST

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