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Issue No. 216 | 16 April 2004 |
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Joining the Dots
Interview: Terror Australis Unions: Graeme Beard's Second Dig Industrial: The Hell of Troy Organising: Miners Strike Gold Economics: The Accepted Wisdom History: Vicious Old Lady International: Out of Sight, Out of Mind Review: War Unfogged Poetry: TAFE
Postcard The Soapbox The Locker Room Politics
 Sick PayTom�s A FurphyRolling in CloverMore War And PeaceInvisible Workers
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Tool Shed DASHING DAZZA
***** Like a rat out of an aqueduct, dashing Daryl Williams is departing from Federal politics. The one time Attorney General, who realised it was necessary to destroy our freedoms in order to save them, has decided to retire for "family reasons". It wouldn't be because his erstwhile boss is increasingly looking like a headless chook? Or that the national telecommunications company is fast descending into a parody of some American soap opera? Or that he wants to pocket his modest parliamentary entitlements? No, gregarious Daryl is retiring because of "family reasons". His notice extends to election day, which shows this government's commitment to the communications sector. Who better to leave in charge of cutting edge technological developments than a lame duck minister who has been out to lunch for as long as anyone can remember? Which is why he has been at the forefront of the government's response to the resignation of fellow Tool Bob Mansfield. Well, he would, but he appears a bit indisposed at the moment, you see. Which is why the PM seems to be taking most of the questions for the time being. Yes, Williams is well suited in the communications portfolio; we never hear peep out of the joker. This, of course, saves the government from having to actually engage this troubling policy area. A tradition started by William's predecessor, the equally enigmatic Richard Alston. While some may accuse Daryl of being born with a silver spoon in his mouth the truth is he was born with a whole cutlery service. Daryl Williams legal pedigree has seen him approach the bar on many occasions. Alarmingly, Williams was made a member of the National Security Committee, which may help to explain the current international situation Australia finds itself in. His diverse portfolio has allowed him to conduct witch-hunts at bodies such as the ABC, SBS, the National Museum of Australia, thus saving us from the threat of imminent Marxist takeover. He has also done a good job keeping a straight face about the National Office for Information Economy. When he was Attorney General Daryl busied himself with ensuring that the Federal Government tackled the big issues, such as trying three times, unsuccessfully, to bust up a transsexual marriage. He also made sure it was quite OK for the United States to throw out every principle of jurisprudence in its dealings with Australian citizens. While some churlish individuals have claimed that Williams has done nothing since he took over the Communications portfolio this is not entirely true. Williams loves to play the piano and has entertained his staff with some wonderful work tickling the ivories, as well as exhibiting a sound understanding of the nuanced area of wine appreciation. Some allege that this has allowed Williams to help his leader break records in wine consumption during his tenure, and surely the Communications portfolio will suffer from not having Daryl tickling the ivories and leading the sing-alongs. No doubt our Tool Of the Week can keep up his Good Time Charlie routine in the Tool Shed, just be a good chap and pass another bottle of the Bollinger in will you?
Nominate a Tool!
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