Interview: Battle Stations
Unions: The Workers, United
Politics: The Lost Weekend
Industrial: Truth or Dare
History: A Class Act
Economics: The Numbers Game
International: Blonde Ambition
Training: The Trade Off
Review: Bore of the Worlds
Poetry: The Beaters Medley
The Locker Room
After the Action
Power and the Passion
Mao and Then
The Third Way Hits A Dead End
Unfair For All
What Is To Be Done?
Black Hawk Up
Bore of the Worlds
It's also the plot of Steven Spielberg's latest money-spinner War of the Worlds.
Spielberg has taken the classic HG Wells story of a martian invasion of earth, brought it up to date - largely by changing the scenery and omitting anything 19th Century - and given it a family-friendly view.
Enter Ray (Tom Cruise), a dock-worker who is charged with looking after his two kids while his ex-wife takes off with the boyfriend.
You almost feel a bit of sympathy for Cruise as he cops abuse from his smart-alec kids, but before you can reprimand yourself for such thoughts, a freak thunderstorm brings down with it some outer-space critters hell-bent on destroying any form of life.
Given the first 15 minutes of designer label-clad Cruise with his precocious kids, you can hardly blame them.
What follows is a mosaic of Spielberg special effects held together by some weak story about Cruise finding out how to be a father.
If, like me, you read the HG Wells book when you were 12 and were a fan of the kitsch 70s soundtrack you will be inevitably disappointed.
The story of a sensible man trying to reason his way through the chaos and futility becomes the story of a Hollywood-style miserable father bumbling through some special effects.
But even the special effects leave you disappointed. We don't get to see a major confrontation between the humans and the aliens - even when the chance is sitting there.
Master-director Spielberg obviously decided it would be more suspenseful if it was left up in the air. Thanks for trying, Steven.
Probably the only thing which helps give this movie any sort of meaning is a scene where a mob of people turn against one another as they are running from attack.
Whoever's got the means to get out of there is under attack from people who want it. When they get it they come under attack.
As I said, it's the thing that comes closest to a point.
So if you've read the book and you feel like coming out of a movie saying to yourself things aren't what they used to be, this is probably the film for you.
If you haven't read the book and like to be lost in a film that offers nothing by way of explanation and leaves you dudded in special effects, you too should see it.
Everyone else - go find a Martian to thank for trying to destroy this poxy attempt at a film.
1 and 1/2 stars (I've met better dock workers)
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