Interview: Battle Stations
Unions: The Workers, United
Politics: The Lost Weekend
Industrial: Truth or Dare
History: A Class Act
Economics: The Numbers Game
International: Blonde Ambition
Training: The Trade Off
Review: Bore of the Worlds
Poetry: The Beaters Medley
The Locker Room
After the Action
Power and the Passion
Mao and Then
The Third Way Hits A Dead End
Unfair For All
What Is To Be Done?
Black Hawk Up
The Locker Room
I had always thought that foursome was a golfing term, but Shane Warne put an end to all that.
The leg-spinning Lothario has been at it again, putting cricket back on the front page much to every politician's relief.
It's a curious circus, and this column is still yet to grasp which part of getting a cricket ball to grip and turn from leg to off qualifies you as a moral yardstick?
It all seems rather sordid and a bit much to take over the No Name Sultana Crunch of a morning.
Coming as it does on the back of Symonds being thrown out of the team for having a few cleansing ales the night before, and the resultant loss to Bangladesh, the Cricket Australia announcement that this is having no effect on the team is slightly less than disingenuous.
Of course it would have an effect on the team. Otherwise they are just a bunch of one-dimensional drones, and who could support that? Then again, the drone theory does have some supporting evidence - Matthew Hayden for one.
Symonds has shown what fools these wowsers were by catching, bowling and hitting everything that's moved within a two meter radius of him ever since.
The lesson here is that they should all be out on the piss. It's obviously what is needed. These people must show their humanity, or else we'll have another argument for Playstation.
It's obvious that Shane and his fellows have wants and needs like other women, and these should be addressed with like-minded consenting adults in private.
It's also a good idea that you keep the wife informed if you're going off to volunteer your services for the good of humanity in other domestic arrangements.
Otherwise, use what my grandmother called the 'tuppeny contraceptive'. That involved keeping a tuppeny piece between your knees. In more salient terms, tie a knot in it.
Not than anyone is advocating that our national cricketers discover the sin of Onan, but more than a few appear to be a past master at it.
All of this is, of course, taking the shine off the fact that the Old Country appears to be rediscovering a bit of form. No more will Australian crowds jovially offer to throw the ball back in for Eddie Hemmings. This is a side that shows some spine, and this is a good thing for cricket.
Another good thing for cricket is Frank Farina.
Cranky Frankie was finally punted Australian Soccer a bit of an image problem with his taciturn scowl and coming across as something less than pleasant. A punch up with an SBS reporter after the Australia v Iraq show didn't help either. Franks 8-1-1 combination may not have been as effective as we hoped. Let's hope his successor is more animated.
This is important as we are weeks away from the World Cup qualifiers and things appear to be in disarray. We have some brilliant players, the problem is that no one knows who they are. I fear doom is rapidly approaching.
If we qualify for the World Cup the decision to axe Farina will be hailed as a stroke of genius, if we don't then it will be yet another night of the long knives for Australian Soccer.
It may come as a surprise to many readers, but Rugby Union also has a World Cup, and they are well into the qualifiers to see who will be the next Georgia or Namibia at their 2007 bash and barge fest.
The case for the World Cup in a sport that is more equated in this country as the Liberal Party with a football tucked under its arm received a bit of a battering with Italy, Samoa and Fiji looking like the Penrith Emus� fifth grade.
When South Africa strolled through Uruguay to the tune of 140-odd to not very much questions were being asked at head office.
Apparently the International Rugby Board made a motza at the last World
Cup hosted here, which was supposed to be ploughed back into developing the game.
Maybe someone should explain the difference between developing and annihilating to the chaps in tweed coats at the IRB.
Mind you, in the European qualifiers that Rugby powerhouse Andorra is still in the running. Which speaks multitudes for the game's administration.
South Africa v Andorra. Doesn't that get the pulse racing! The quickest bloke at the ground would be the scoreboard attendant.
Anyway, let's bring on the Ashes. This time we may even get a contest, and not between rival tabloids for Shane's exclusive.
Phil Doyle, stepping up to the plate with bases loaded
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