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Satire: Diuretic Makes Warne's Excuses Look Thin
Australian cricketer Shane Warne today admitted that he was still feeling the after effects of the diuretic he tested positive to.
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Satire
Diuretic Makes Warne's Excuses Look Thin
Extracted from The Chaser
Australian cricketer Shane Warne today admitted that he was still feeling the after effects of the diuretic he tested positive to.
The admission came only days after he tried to convince the Australian public that he took the banned masking agent because his Mum wanted him to look good on TV.
"Those diuretics are really powerful," said Warne. "Not only did I lose 4 kilograms, but my excuses have been left extraordinarily thin."
When asked to provide substantiation for his drug charge defence Warne claimed that he had had watertight evidence that proved his innocence, but that his dog had eaten it.
Warne did, however, use his latest press conference to clear up other questions such as why someone would take a dehydrating pill before undertaking a cricket match, noting that it was no more dehydrating than the slab of beer David Boon consumed before the matches he played.
Warne's mother has also expressed regret over the after effects of the drug.
"It was good that the diuretic made him look good on TV when he first used it," said Brigitte Warne. "Sadly though it has now just made him look very stupid on TV. And everywhere else."
Meanwhile Australian one day captain Ricky Ponting has sought to clarify his statement that Warne was either stupid or na�ve for taking the diuretic. "I didn't mean because of the doping laws," said Ponting from the team hotel in Johannesburg. "I meant he would have to be na�ve or stupid to think a pill would make him look good on TV. Nothing short of major cosmetic surgery would do that."
Despite the setback Warne was philosophical about his decision to take the banned diuretic.
"Sure, I may have lost my cricketing career," said Warne. "But I also lost my paunch."
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