
Issue No 98		01 June 2001

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Satire

NZ to be Disbanded

Extracted from The Chaser

Following the successful disbanding of the armed forces the Prime Minister of New Zealand, Helen Clark, has unveiled a new bold plan to total disband the entire nation.


	The Chaser

In a statement to the worlds press Prime Minister Clarke unveiled her "Great step nowhere" plan. Launching the plan Clark suggested that reports that their armed forces had been forced to say "bang, bang" during war exercises had been the final nail in the coffin for the once-almost-proud nation.

"For years now we've been doing nothing of value. All our really profitable industries have gone overseas. Music, kiwi fruit, Russell Crowe. After that it's basically just a bunch of sheep and a once proud rugby team. Even the Cricketers are poor by world standards" Clark said.

Clark went on to outline the timetable for disbanding the nation following the sale of the Navy's two dinghies and after the Army gives its shotgun back to the British.

In a sometimes emotional presentation Ms Clarke outlined the difficulties facing the former country. "Every nation has it's problems but, as the leader, you can always look at some other loser nation and say "They're worse off than us". We finally realised that we could no longer do that."

The final nail in the coffin came last Monday when the New Zealand treasury tabled a report that found that Adam Gilchrist's new contact with the Australian Cricket Board had him earning more than the entire New Zealand GDP.

"When that hit us we realised that the ship of state was pretty much Gunwale deep in sediment and it was time to turn off the bilge pumps and move to a real country," a treasury spokesman said.

All industry and businesses are expected to have left the Island by the end of June and all Government responsibilities will cease at the first of July. Any farmers wishing to remain will do so on a purely subsistence basis with the possibility of a feudal system developing by the end of September. The All Blacks will maintain a training facility near Otago until the end of August after which time New Zealand in all it's forms and pursuits will cease to exist.

When asked how the loss of the entire nation of New Zealand will affect the region a world bank spokesman called for an atlas.

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  Issue 98 contents

Interview: Balancing the Books
Opposition Finance spokesman Lindsay Tanner on bringing a Labor agenda to managing the nation�s finances.

Compo: Undampened Spirits
Despite atrocious weather, building workers took to the streets this work over the carnage in their workplace. Mark Hebblewhite was there.

Unions: Giving Blood
Local government workers are mounting a campaign to have leave to give blood donations recognised in their award.

Women: A Checklist for Women Voters
With a mountain of demands on Australian working women, the biggest question could well be which is the biggest?

History: May Day Meditation
May Day has been and gone, but we thought Peter Linebaugh�s take on its meaning was worth reading on all the other days too.

International: The Weeks of Living Dangerously
The now almost inevitable fall of Indonesia�s President Abdurrahman Wahid could have drastic consequences for the increasingly militant working class movement in that country.

Economics: No More Mr Nice Guy
In his new book, Steven Keen outlines why the public needs to know that economics is intellectually unsound.

Satire: NZ to be Disbanded
Following the successful disbanding of the armed forces the Prime Minister of New Zealand, Helen Clark, has unveiled a new bold plan to total disband the entire nation.

Review: Action in the House
Workers Online�s Big Brother Addict argues the time has come for the contestant�s to take some industrial action.

» Twenty Grand � The Cost of a Life in 2001

» Compo Protest Virtually Ignored

» Workers Tell Jodie: It's a Bit Rich

» Disbelief at Dubai in the Sky

» Wage Rise For Two Million Workers

» Casuals Win Parental Leave Rights

» Egan Budget Welcomed � But Social Audit Still on Agenda

» Bad Rosters �Like Being Drunk�

» Nurses Act on Ward Rage

» Council Workers Brace for Border Skirmish

» Meatworkers Win in Federal Court

» Hotel Bosses Linked to Tobacco Industry

» Workers Demand Treaty With Indigenous Australia

» Activists Notebook

» The Soapbox

» The Locker Room

» Trades Hall

» Tool Shed

» Pop and Politics - Where's Billy??

» Satire is not Serious

» Toasting May Day

» WorkCover - Questions for NRMA

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