
Issue No 54		19 May 2000

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Satire

Rain Man Withdraws Endorsement of Qantas

Extracted from The Chaser

After the third major safety incident in the space of a year, Qantas has lost the confidence of the most famous public supporter of its once unblemished safety record, the autistic star of Rain Man, Raymond.

Speaking from his office at the Redhead Match factory in Virginia (where he holds a senior position in the Quality Assurance department), the Rain Man confirmed to reporters that he would no longer feel comfortable flying Qantas. In a surprise addition, he also stated that he would no longer feel comfortable working with Tom Cruise in movies saying, "I may be autistic, but I don't want to have anything more to do with those Scientologists. They're a bunch of freaks". When asked to elaborate on his falling out with Qantas, however, Raymond refused to saying anything other than "I'm an excellent driver, we're counting cards".

In a desperate attempt to restore its reputation, a spokesman for Qantas, Barry Johnson, claimed in an interview yesterday that the Rain Man "no longer represents majority opinion in the autistic community". It is understood that Qantas has been seeking endorsement from other sufferers though with little success to date. A substantial number of the high level autistics it approached apparently said that although they understood that the airline had a statistically sound safety record, they could not deal with the fact that there is no "u" after the "Q" in "Qantas" and therefore had been advised by their specialists not to make any comment.

Faced with the total absence of endorsement from the autistic community, Qantas officials have admitted they may have to look to other sectors for support. One possible supported emerged yesterday when John Moseley, 46 of Sydney, held a press conference to confirm that Qantas has the best safety record "of all the airlines in fuck shit cunt world". Mr Moseley, who suffers from high level Tourette's Syndrome, has offered his services to Qantas to assist in the publicity effort to restore public confidence. The airline is yet to respond.

Meanwhile, Qantas has announced a string of safety improvements that will be added to its existing fleet of aircraft after its recent spate of accidents.

The measures will include the installation of airbags for every passenger in first and business classes and special coloured polyurethane bumpers fitted to the nose and tail of each plane.

The airline is also in the process developing a prototype for a future aircraft which will involve reversing the seating plan and introducing a special crumple zone, to be called Safe-T-Class, from the nose cone through to the end of the economy section. Reversing alarms, which sound when the aircraft reverses too close to terminals or other aircraft, are also planned, along with those cute little windscreen wipers for the headlights.

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  Issue 54 contents

Interview: South of the Border
Victorian Trades Hall chief Leigh Hubbard on life under Bracks, militant unionism and why more people march in Melbourne.

Politics: Jeff Shaw's Second Wave
The full text of the NSW Industrial Relations Minister's speech to Labor Council announcing the Carr Government's IR reform agenda.

Unions: Reith's Laws: Just Say NO
The ACTU has called on Labor and the Democrats to reject Workplace Relations Minister Peter Reith's anti-industry bargaining Workplace Relations 2000 Bill out right.

History: A Breed Of Their Own
Labour historian Greg Patmore explains what makes his fraternity tick - and why they're still going strong and making history.

International: Sony's Asian Showdown
The Japanese electronic giant Sony is threatening to shutdown production facilities in Indonesia - where a prolonged strike has cost it US$200milliom - and move to next door Malaysia where electronic workers are banned from forming a union.

Human Rights: Good Guys, Bad Guys
Everywhere we look -in our newspapers, on the television, in reports by business leaders, academics and politicians - advocacy of human rights seems to be on a collision course with governmental and business interests.

Review: New Workers, New Challenges
A new wave of thought is arguing that working life is changing - but this doesn't necessarily deal unions out the action.

Satire: Rain Man Withdraws Endorsement of Qantas
After the third major safety incident in the space of a year, Qantas has lost the confidence of the most famous public supporter of its once unblemished safety record, the autistic star of Rain Man, Raymond.

» Carr Moves on Casuals

» Democrats Wavering on Reith Bill

» Exit Visas for Child Care Workers

» GST Pay Claims to Target Allowances

» Tide Turns On Competitive Tendering

» Joy Takes Message To The World

» Mines Out as Rio Tinto Torps Talks

» Political Economy for Activists, 2000

» Unions March for Reconciliation

» STOP PRESS: AK-47s used in coup against union-aligned Fiji Labour Government