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Issue No. 256 | 18 March 2005 |
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Planet Common Cents
Interview: Dot.Com Workplace: Dirt Cheap Industrial: Daddy Doesn�t Live With Us Anymore Economics: Who's Afraid of the BCA? International: From the Wreckage Politics: Infrastructure Blues History: Meat and Three Veg Savings: Super Seduction Politics: Popping the 'E-Word' Poetry: To Know Somebody Review: Off the Rails
The Soapbox The Locker Room New Matilda Parliament Postcard
 Poor Prose PraisedFabulous Fan MailSkilled ToolsNelson �Solves� Skills CrisisLoyalty Nonsense
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Tool Shed Voluntary Tool
***** The good Doctor, Brendan Nelson, has upped the ante in the Federal Government's crusade against godless collectivism. Before he joined the Coalition of the Billing, as the more ideological members of the medical set like to see themselves, Nelson himself was a student who managed to struggle through a fee free university system with the assistance of a student union. Then Brendan went on to bigger and better things, shifting from the Hippocratic Oath to the Hypocritic Oath in his role as federal president of the Doctor's union, the Australian Medical Association at the age of 35. Nelson was seen as a dangerous Bolshevik by some sections of the Melbourne Club because of his penchant for sporting a rather dashing earing. It was feared in some circles that he was 'Not One Of Us'. Since then he's had to cover a lot of ground amongst the less broad-minded elements of the conservative class (i.e., all of them) to prove his worth. And what better a way to prove your worth than to be a foot soldier in the war on the evils of the U word. He is now able to join the tradition of such mentally stable luminaries as Stanley Melbourne Bruce, Joh Bjielke Petersen, Peter Reith, Tony Abbott and serial pest Peter Hoare. It is a blinding model of efficiency that the Australian Liberal Party is able to synthesise sixty years of philosophy into three words: Unions Are Bad. So one can see the delight that the good doctor must have felt when he discovered that there were, in fact, unions on his very own bailiwick. He discovered that there were student unions! What's more they were offering such diabolical North Korean style tyrannies as subsidised food and child care, socialised medicine and support for students on low incomes! Now our Tool of the Week could stick his chest out in cabinet - just like Peter Reith used to do - and say that he too has found a union that can be driven out of existence. The Minister for Keeping Riff Raff out of University has been rather pleased with himself as a result of his kneecapping student services. He has been wondering around selling his idea as being about choice. While at first glance Nelson's policy appears to be about getting people to choose to not go to university unless they're related to someone on the BRW top 100 list, it is I fact about something of even deeper significance for ex-union boss Nelson. Apparently it's all about people's right to choose the sausage roll of their choice. One can only stand back in awe of a man who realises that the key issue in tertiary education in this day and age, the key issue determining whether or not Australia remains a clever country, is the price of a sausage roll. Someone should really get a blueprint of Brendan Nelson's brain - it will be useful if ever we need to build a moron. It's great to see that the government is not blinded by ideology or is worried that their arguments Heaven help us when Federal sports minister Rod Kemp discovers Rugby Union
Nominate a Tool!
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