
Issue No 91		06 April 2001

LaborNET	Ask Neale	Tool of the Week

Satire

Howard Cuts Beer Price to Get Voters Drunk

Extracted from The Chaser

Prime Minister John Howard has agreed to cut the excise on beer, in the hope cheaper drinks will help get the country drunk enough to vote for him.

Mr Howard revelaed his re-election campaign hinges entirely on the impaired judgements of the electorate.

"People can do some pretty stupid things when they're pissed," said Mr Howard. "Things which they're bound to regret afterwards. Obviously no one with a clear head would dare to give me a third term. But if I can

get enough people drunk on discounted beer I may just get across the line."

New legislation will make drinking compulsory in the lead-up to the federal election. The Prime Minister said he further intends to place a VB stubbie in every polling booth to help prevent voters from thinking sensibly. All households will be sent how-to-drink cards in the mail.

In addition, the recent TV drug campaign has been amended to encourage parents to discuss drugs with their children over a quiet beer.

"Drug abuse destroys society," said Mr Howard. "And what better way of demonstrating this to our children than by having booze-addled voters re-elect a Coalition government."

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Issue 91 contents

Interview: Costa on Compo
Labor Council�s secretary gives his take on the Big Stink over Della�s workers compensation package.

Politics: Della's List
All Labor members of Parliament were this week asked to indicate whether they would support injured workers. More than half said 'yes'. Here they are.

Unions: Picketing Joy
Rowan Cahill chronicled the definitive dispute of 2000 for Workers Online. He looks back on the battle and the lessons to be drawn from the workers at Joy.

History: Vale Tony Mulvihill
The environment, migrant workers and the hairy nosed wombat have reason to be thankful for the active citizenship of Tony Mulvihill.

Economics: Stopping the Rot
A national campaign is underway to persuade politicians from both the major parties that they need to be addressing the issue of poverty within Australia.

International: East Timor � Beyond the Headlines
It�s now more than 18 months since the violence and bloodshed following the popular consultation on the future of East Timor was front page news in Australia.

Technology: Online Breathing Space
The global collapse of faith in new technology has given journalists a chance to prepare themselves for the real revolution, writes David Higgins

Satire: Howard Cuts Beer Price to Get Voters Drunk
Prime Minister John Howard has agreed to cut the excise on beer, in the hope cheaper drinks will help get the country drunk enough to vote for him.

Review: The Battle for 96.9Fm is Over
What would you get if you crossed 2DAY FM, 2MMM, JJJ and MIX 106.5 FM? A fairly commercial radio station that wouldn�t know the difference between throwing up, stuffing up, growing up or breaking up.

» Compo Wars: Week Two to the Workers!

» Doctors Don�t Want to be Judges

» Cops Eye Ball Compo Changes

» Armoured Car Drivers To Consider Stop Work

» IT Workers � We Need You!

» Banks Workers Show They�re No Bunnies

» English Teachers Ripped Off

» Beazley Gives Boost To Bakery Workers

» Employment, Environment Vital to US-Australia Trade Deal

» Extra $1.37 Billion Needed for Unis

» Campaigning Workshop Establishes Local Campaign Initiative

» Activist Notebook