||Issue No. 190||08 August 2003|
Interview: The New Deal
Unions: In the Line of Hire
Culture: Too Cool for the Collective?
International: The Domino Effect
Industrial: A Spanner in the Works
National Focus: Gathering of the Tribes
History: The Welcome Nazi Tourist
Bad Boss: Domm, Domm Turn Around
Poetry: Just Move On.
Review: Reality Bites
The Locker Room
The Fifth Column
By Phil Doyle
John Howard showed this week that his belief in social Darwinism is no idle boast as he declared that marriage was essentially about the "survival of the species".
It is important in this day and age that our leaders illustrate the moral grounds on which our institutions stand. In Howard's case he has shown that the primary role of marriage is about producing offspring. None of this namby-pamby nonsense about love, happiness or respect from Dear Leader Howard. Nope, after the altar it's off to the conjugating room to pump out a few healthy units of factory fodder. Who said romance was dead? Just lie back and think of Australia.
Once this has been achieved then the family can invest in other morally enlightening pursuits, such as nepotism. Howard showed his commitment to this ideal by ensuring that his own species survival unit (known to the rest of us as his daughter) received a wage courtesy of Dad's old law firm. Well, he had to do something with her before he could marry her off to a member of the landed gentry. Also, if you are on first name terms with the emperor, you have the opportunity to foist your other species survival unit (also known as his son) onto George Bush's doomed 2004 Presidential election campaign.
No doubt both are highly capable people who were the best choice for the job, that there wasn't a hint of favouritism and that pigs fly overhead.
Of course John is merely upholding the sanctity of marriage - especially when he bails out his brother's company. If another business faces the same difficulties in meeting their employee's entitlements well it's just their own fault that they're not related to the sanctity of the Howard marriage.
And all this sanctity doesn't end there, in fact the whole shebang is downright sanctimonious. Family man Howard showed how in touch he is with the average Australian family by letting us all know that his government has the work/family mix "about right". This will gladden the hearts of many whose sanctity of marriage is driven spare by trying to balance the demands of work, family, affordable childcare, maternity leave and managing the household budget to hear that things are, apparently, "about right".
Working longer for less and being denied the opportunity to actually have a life are all good for us, according to John Dubya Howard.
Another great way Howard has found to ensure the survival of the species is to beat up on cripples. What a better way to celebrate the sanctity of marriage than to penalise people if they've produced one that takes a bit more looking after. No doubt the ongoing review of carers' allowances will, in time, bring about John's dream of a muscular Aryan race that will conquer morally degenerate societies like New Zealand and South Australia. The man is truly a visionary.
No doubt Howard also adheres to Jonathan Swift's modest proposal that the poor support themselves by selling their children as food.
It is a bit disturbing that someone who lived at home with his mum until he was 30 would put themselves in a position to offer relationship advice to anyone.
Meanwhile the only same sex relationship that really does threaten the survival of the species is that between George W. Bush and our very own Tool of the Week, John Howard.
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