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February 2003   
F E A T U R E S

Interview: Agenda 2003
ACTU secretary Greg Combet looks at the year ahead and how a union movement can keep the focus on the workplace at a time of global crisis.

Peace: The Colour Purple
Local communities across Australia are taking stands against war by displaying purple banners. Jim Marr visits one.

Industrial: Long, Hot Summer
As Workers Online took its annual break, the world kept turning – at an increasingly alarming velocity.

Solidarity: Workers Against War
Joann Wypijewski reports on how union locals in the USA are fighting the hounds of war at home.

Security: Howard And The Hoodlums
With all the talk of terror, the Howard Government’s Achilles heel is its tolerance of Flags of Convenience shipping , writes Rowan Cahill

International: Industrial Warfare
Scottish freight train drivers have already acted to disrupt the war effort in the UK with crews of four freight trains carrying war supplies to ports walking off the job, writes Andrew Casey

History: Unions and the Vietnam War
The Vietnam experience steered some unions towards social activism for the first time. Unions are today key players in the anti-war movement, writes Tony Duras.

Review: Eight Miles to Mowtown
Mark Hebblewhites looks at two summer movies that tap into different sounds of American culture - white boy rap and motown blues.

Poetry: Return To Sender
Resident bard Divd Peetz discovers that Elvis has become the latest shock recruit to the peace cause.

Satire: CIA Recruits New Intake of Future Enemies
CIA Director George Tenet announced today that the agency has begun recruiting future enemies for the year 2014.

C O L U M N S

The Soapbox
Getting On with The Job
Premier Bob Carr chose Trades Hall as the venue to launch Labor's IR policy for the upcoming state election.

Postcard
Justice in Bogota
Sydney lawyer Ian Latham knows how to pick them. He’s gone straight from the Cole Royal Commission to justice Colombian-style.

The Locker Room
Heart Of Darkness
There is a school of thought that there is, in fact, only one World Cup - and it doesn’t involve cricket, writes Phil Doyle.

Politics
Danger Mouse
John Howard's politics have trapped him into supporting an unpopular war. He is in political trouble, Leonie Bronstein argues.

E D I T O R I A L

A Call To Arms
Workers Online returns from our summer break to face a world on the brink, the structures of global cooperation being crushed by the iron will of the earth’s last remaining superpower.

N E W S

 The Cuffe Link – Taxpayers Cough Up

 Carr: Secret Lib Plan to Slash Public Sector

 Abbott Comes Out Swinging

 Thanks a Million: Cole’s Lawyers Clean-up

 Corrigan Dogs On Jobs Promise

 Gnomes Fess Up – Unionism Best For All

 Owens Survives 30-Year Ban

 Ribs and Rumps Something for Government to Chew On

 Badges of Honour

 Guards Rail Against Assaults

 Workers Online Scoops Global Prize

 Currawong Must Pay It’s Way

 Let’s Get Real! 2nd Australasian Organising Conference

 Guard Knocked Out in Villawood Escape

 Activists Notebook

L E T T E R S
 Bouquets and Brickbats
 War Talk
 A Tale of Two Malls
 Talk Back Tom
 On The Beach
WHAT YOU CAN DO
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Satire

CIA Recruits New Intake of Future Enemies

Extracted from The Chaser

CIA Director George Tenet announced today that the agency has begun recruiting future enemies for the year 2014.

The CIA is looking to recruit foreign nationals who are currently members of small paramilitary organisations which are no threat to the United States.

It will offer them extensive training and millions of dollars worth of high-tech weapons systems in return for a promise to develop their organisation into a full-blown terrorist organisation capable of attacking the United States in the agreed year 2014. The attack would then be used by the Pentagon to argue for maintaining the current military budget for another year.

Tenet stressed the Agency is an equal opportunity employer. "We're looking to welcome people from all backgrounds into our programme," he said. "Though we've obviously had most success with fundamentalist Muslims like Osama Bin Laden in recent years, who can say who the terrorist threats of tomorrow may be?"

Tenet listed Algerian nationalists, the Basque separatists operating in Spain, Somali warlords, Kurdish groups in Turkey and even the IRA as groups that would be capable of developing into a credible threat against the US if given access to state-of-the-art training and equipment.

The CIA confirmed it will also be continuing its special-entry recruiting programme for dictators in rogue states. The agency has been widely praised by Bush insiders for giving Saddam Hussein so many weapons to fight Iran in the 1980s that even the massive bombardment during the Gulf War wasn't able to destroy all of the American-manufactured weapons of mass destruction that are now justifying a second attack on the impoverished nation.

"If we can convince the world that Iraq is a credible threat to US security, we can build up pretty much anyone," Tenet explained. It is widely believed that recent recruits to this elite programme include the Sultan of Brunei and Prince Rainier of Monaco.

Tenet said he was looking forward to personally greeting the new recruits when they arrived secretly in Langley to sign their under-the-table deals.

"Now that the Cold War's over, it's really tough to develop enough threats to justify maintaining the military-industrial complex," he said. "That's why we're so eager to welcome new potential enemies into the CIA programme. Future enemies, come and talk to us, because we can't do this alone."


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