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Year End 2002 | |
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Interview: Taking Stock Bad Boss: Pushing the Envelope Unions: The Year That Was Republic: Still Fighting International: Global Ties, Global Binds Politics: Turning Green Technology: Unions Online 2002 Industrial: The Past Is Before Us Economics: Market Insecurity Review: Shooting for Sanity Poetry: The PM's Christmas Message Culture: Zanger's Sounds of Summer
The Soapbox The Locker Room Bosswatch Predictions
Terror Australis
 Refugee ReviewRepresentative RepresentativesMen Only?Dry ArgumentVale: Phil Berrigan
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Predictions Into the Beyond
********************* Alison Peters - Labor Council Despite no union blokes being nominated for an "Ernie" (the "award" for sexist comments and/or behaviour) for several years there will be at least one nominee in 2003. Unfortunately the union bloke will be pipped for the pig trophy by the Mad Monk Tony Abbott who can always be relied on to make some stupid statement (probably about paid maternity leave)... Natalie Davison - AAP + Following the Ribs and Rumps worker exploitation scam at Manly, CFMEU secretary Andrew Ferguson orders that meat be banned from any further picket line bbqs. Instead burly builders who take to the picketline will have to settle their hunger pangs with skewers of tofu instead of the traditional sausage sanger. + Mr Ferguson calls on builders to keep the skewer sticks for re-use to insert into a giant voodoo doll of Building Royal Commisioner Terry Cole when he hands down his final report into the industry in January. + A brawl breaks out outside the commission and one of the skewers accidentally pierces Stinky the Rat. The inflatable rat is later put to a rest during a street march attended by some 50 million building workers** (figures provided by the CFMEU) who blame Commissioner Cole for the untimely end of Stinky. + The CFMEU decides to create a replacement mascot. The union, with the help of artists from MEAA, create a giant echidna re-using the fatal skewers that took out Stinky. Ecky the Echidna is used in a new campaign about drugs in the workplace. The Transport Workers Union borrows Ecky for a series of campaigns against trucking companies who set unrealistic schedules for long-distance truck drivers. Peter Lewis - Workers Online There will be no 2004. 'nuff said, really Tara de Boehmler AKA Office Mystic
Simon Crean will become George Bush's stunt double in a b-grade shoot-em-up movie titled 'A Turkey For President'. The flick follows the tale of a demented cowboy who takes over the world because the American public is too complacent to keep him from parliament and most world leaders are too haunted by the size of his gun to stand against him. The plot is a stinker. 'Turkey' crashes, burns and is crucified by audiences unable to suspend disbelief for its 30 year running time.
The NSW Labor Party finally comes through on its challenge to play the Labor Council of NSW in a much hyped soccer match, ending with a giant sticky tape parade through the streets of Sydney.
The Howard Government's campaign of US-style fear mongering will miss its mark and fail to increase sales of tinned food, padlocks and candles by mooted targets. While Howard will insist on increasing military spending regardless, wizened citizens will choose to secure their future by more peaceful means, including synchronised disco dancing, group hugs, love ins, being kind to each other, and a new commitment to fair wealth distribution.
Union membership will scale tall buildings until it settles at a staggering 90% of the Australian workforce. Tony Abbott will eat his hat before turning on himself. Eventually he will see the light and embark on a ten-year pilgrimage within. On his way he will raise $10m in donations, which he will use to pay back entitlements lost to embattled workers during his years as IR Minister.
Everyone will live happily ever after. Phil Davey - CFMEU 1. Cole Royal Commission will report that the CFMEU is the greatest threat to civilisation since Attilla the Hun and will recommend listing the union as a terrorist organisation 2. Building industry taskforce will fail to prosecute a single employer for criminal behaviour 3. Greens Party will double their representation in parliament at the next state election 4. World War 3 will begin 5. John Robertson will continue to have a higher public profile than bill shorten Nancy Carl - Labor Council Tony Abbott will see the error of his ways and pull the plug on the Building Industry Task Force and all his awful anti-worker legislation. Virgin Mobile will negotiate an EBA with the ASU C&A Branch and agree that all AWA's should be declared void. The airconditioning in the Labor Council building will work perfectly - not too hot - not too cold! Intravenous Moors Coffee will be developed and save the Labor Council officers many trips across the road, or if not an intravenous drip at least an overhead bridge between the LC building and Moors. David Peetz - Resident Bard John Howard insists on calling the Leader of the Opposition in NSW "Kerry" because "no-one officially told him" that the leadership had changed. Banks, having run out of branches to close down, offer to close down supermarket outlets and petrol stations - but the supermarket chains and oil companies decline the offer because the banks' fees are too high. The Governor-General visits Canada and the streets are lined with New Zealand flags (sorry, that's history repeating itself, I know) Tony Abbott walks into the centre of Hebron and declares "where there is hatred, let me bring love". Suicide bombers spontaneously explode, along with Israel's nuclear arsenal. Following the successful insurance industry model, the state and federal governments legislate to cap payouts by bookies on long shots at one hundred dollars and disallow all punters' claims on favourites. Somewhere, somehow, the CEO of a one company with falling profits takes a pay cut. (I note that there is no penalty for having made inaccurate predictions.) The Prime Minister is mistakenly thought to have said "I'm sorry" but his minders quickly correct the transcript as "I'm so relaxed". Saddam Hussein promises to stand down of leader of Iraq if Alexander Downer will put on those fishnet stockings "just one more time" in a private viewing. Chris Christodoulou - Labor Council A Carr Labor Gov is returned with either a small majority (under 3 seats) or forms government with the help of either the Greens and or independents.( possible). Lee Rhiannon becomes police minister in a new coalition with Labor and pushes the government to legalize marijuana usage.(unlikely). Costa gets elevated to treasurer and immediately introduces an excise tax on marijuana that provides enough new revenue to fund his social audit (would like to). Can't Remember Who Sent This, But It's Good! June 2003: As the clock ticks towards the important day, Howard consults the stars and his masters voice. A reply cames back via the bush telegraph. Howard makes announcement to the nation: 'Everybody have to make sacrifices in time of uncertainties. And that applies to me as well. After much soul searching I have decided to carry on my duties as deputy sheriff in this on going war against terrorism.' Costello ponders whether to join the tranquillity of a monastery or the glitter of Wall Street--decides the latter. Employment Minister gives up his abbot, slips into Costello's shoes and declares pre-emptive strike against unions.
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