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Year End 2002 | |
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Interview: Taking Stock Bad Boss: Pushing the Envelope Unions: The Year That Was Republic: Still Fighting International: Global Ties, Global Binds Politics: Turning Green Technology: Unions Online 2002 Industrial: The Past Is Before Us Economics: Market Insecurity Review: Shooting for Sanity Poetry: The PM's Christmas Message Culture: Zanger's Sounds of Summer
The Soapbox The Locker Room Bosswatch Predictions
Terror Australis
 Refugee ReviewRepresentative RepresentativesMen Only?Dry ArgumentVale: Phil Berrigan
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The Locker Room A Year Of Two Halves
The ACTU Reasonable Hours Award - Nathan Astle The ACTU has been arguing for a while that workers are more productive with shorter, more focussed days rather than hanging around the workplace for the sake of it. Nathan Astle proved the point beautifully when he got home to the family nice and early this year after hitting a double century for New Zealand against England in 153 balls. A mere three weeks before Adam Gilchrist had smashed Ian Botham's 20 year record with a pedestrian innings of 200 in 212 balls. With 28 fours and 11 sixes Astle reached his double century in 59 balls less than Gilchrist. In seven consecutive balls from Andrew Caddick in two overs Astle hit 4-6-6-4-6-6-6! Not only did Astle further the cause of Reasonable Hours but he also provided some employment opportunities in cricket gear manufacturing when he smashed two balls into oblivion somewhere outside Lancaster Park. Howzat! The Lenin medal for social realism in TV sport - Footballers Wives Widely and wrongly regarded as the trashiest show on the idiot box - a Melrose Place crossed with the Premier League highlights - this deeply insightful look at the lives of overindulged, super rich twenty something footy players and their partners deserves more critical acclaim. You think it's just fantastical crap? Mark Bosnich has played about half a dozen games for Chelsea in the last three years and still earns $130,000 per WEEK and from all media accounts spends more time exercising his nasal muscles than practising penalty shoot outs. My favourite moment from the show was Kyle and Chardonnay's wedding (five stars for your name Chardonnay). Kyle dressed as Prince Charming, Chardonnay (her page three boobs having been tragically toasted by some lager louts at a pre-wedding hen party days before) as sleeping beauty with the bridesmaids and boys dressed like little elfins. A sports classic. The Simon Crean 'What do I have to do to be loved' Award - Lleyton Hewitt Lleyton Hewitt's performance to win the Tennis Masters in Shanghai and confirm his rating as the world's best male player for the second year running - in the same year he became the first Aussie to win Wimbledon since Pat Cash in 1987 - was the most significant achievement by any Australian sportsperson in 2002. Yet the sporting public, or at least the sporting media, are still pining wistfully for Pat Rafter to come back and give us someone to love. Pat might be a PR winner, but Lleyton (along with boxer Kosta Tszuyu) is one of only two Australians to be undisputed champions in a major international sport. Let's enjoy him while he's at his peak, even if he is a Crows fan. Injury, or the toll that his frenetic style takes on the body, could stop his run at any time. The Jason Donovan 'I'm not gay, not that there's anything wrong with that' Award - Ian Thorpe Thousands of teenage Japanese girls were extremely relieved to hear Ian Thorpe put those silly rumours to bed forever. Speaking in a gruff baritone on Radio National, Thorpedo said he was flattered by the widespread whispers, which he believes simply prove how much he is admired. 'By the way, it is true what they say about men with big feet,' Thorpe added. The very, very bad haircut award - Ronaldo Powerhouse Brazil arrived at this year's World Cup in a sorry state: a torturous passage through the qualifiers, its administration wracked by corruption and scandal, and its best player returning from three years in the wilderness after physical and mental breakdowns. Even worse Ronaldo appeared traumatised by a bad haircut he just couldn't shake. But the 2002 Cup was their redemption song. Brazil deservedly won because they were more skilful and more daring than the rest. You can imagine the message goalkeeper Marcos received before each game -'Hey Marcos, you guard the fort, we're going down the other end to party.' There were some sublime moments - Edmilson (a centre back!) running the length of the field to score with a bicycle kick from a return pass against Costa Rica. Roberto Carlos and his relentless running along the left flank. Ronaldinho's gobsmacking goal from a free kick against England followed by his electric run at the defence before laying off to Rivaldo for the winner. All nine of Ronaldo's goals. In what was, overall, a disappointing and mediocre tournament (a trend likely to worsen with the free ride given to soccer minnows like Australia) the Brazilians saved the day. The Steve Waugh 'You got to know when to fold 'em' Award - The Fat Someone out there must love this Monday night sports chat show, based on the ratings. But are we the only ones who think the whole caper has gone a bit smug and Sydney-centric? Tony Squires has made the ego-driven error of shifting from straight man to gag man - he looks like he wants to sit in his own lap. Rebecca Wilson only sings two tunes - the More Biffo Blues and her Isn't He A Spunk torch song. The third regular, Peter Wilkins, knows his stuff and displays a nice streak of mongrel. But all three get quick and gooey talking about rugby - of either variety - while needing crib notes to follow the news on AFL and other big national sports. Rather than deflate The Fat completely, we say sack Squires and Wilson and give Wilkins the host's chair. Bring in Patrick Smith (from The Australian) and Caroline Wilson (The Age and Football Record) as core panel members. And keep the knowledgable and suave Dr Turf - he's the best thing on the program. The Argentinian Treasury award for sports management - the Libs of Soccer Australia If you ever want to shut up some Lib prattling on about what great economic managers his fellow inbreds are, just mention two words. Soccer Australia. The management of Australia's basket case sport is pure evidence the Libs couldn't run a chook raffle - let's face it an essential part of the sports economy - to save themselves. Lib lobbyist Ian Knopf and former NSW Inc man turned cancer stick peddler Nick Greiner's Plan A - tried and true casino capitalism, punting everything on qualifying for the world cup with a third rate team stacked with journeymen from England's lower divisions. Kaput! Plan B - another traditional Liberal party trick - putting their hands in the purses of every soccer mum in the country through a levy to cover their arses. Kaput! And now with Plan C - step up to the plate, the Northern Spirit himself, the brains(!) behind Kerry Chikarovski - Remo Nogarotto! With these morons running the show you can put money on it that FIFA's disgraceful decision to guarantee Oceania (with fewer soccer players than you'd find in a medium sized village in the Brazilian hinterland) a place a the next world cup will see New Zealand, maybe even American Samoa strutting their stuff in Deutshland. The Russell Crowe 'I didn't mean to hurt myself' Award - Anthony Mundine Where does a boxer go after being knocked cold by an opponent he described prior to the bout as punching 'like a woman'? Following his defeat by German champ Sven Ottke, an embarrassed and depressed Anthony Mundine silenced a lot of detractors by knuckling down and preparing to scale the mountain once more. Sure, he set up some joke fights along the way, but his outclassing of Thornberry - who can punch - confirmed that Mundine Jr is something special, even if he does say so himself. Now the former five-eighth faces another big challenge to negotiate the labyrinthine world of international boxing featuring Don King as the Minotaur. The Pentridge Penthouse Award for the lowest lowlife in sport - John Elliot John Elliot - even more evidence the Libs should never be allowed inside a sports club - stick to ya country clubs you inbred wankers. What's left to say about this man except he should have been fucking locked up in jail years ago. While Allan Hawkins - the Kiwi half of Elliot's notorious foreign currency scam did seven years at his majesty's pleasure, Elliot was let loose to destroy one of Australia's oldest sporting clubs, Carlton. It's now clear - that doddery old Victorian judge who let him off barracked for the Magpies! Workers Online Sportsman of the Year - Damien Oliver Damien Oliver, standing high in the stirrups, saluting his brother as he passed the post at the end of his winning Melbourne Cup ride was undoubtedly the sports image of the year. Sure he was on some horse in Media Puzzle but Oliver's ride, first putting his horse into a coma for the first mile and a half, then coaxing him into the race and finally exploding away from a high class field at the top of the straight was magical after such a traumatic week for him personally. But it's not for his ride but his sense of perspective why he gets the big gong. This could have been a sickly, saccharine moment, but his down to earth manner and honesty kept it all true. A champion.
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