
Issue No 86		02 March 2001

LaborNET	Ask Neale	Tool of the Week

The Locker Room

Shane Warne's Tour Diary

As transcribed from a cassette tape by Peter Moss

Workers Online's resident gumboot finds out what's really going through the pie-eater's mind.

*******************

Test ... test ... test. Broadcasting from Room 202 the Bombay Hilton.

Heeeelllooooooo.

Mary had a little lamb its fleece was white as snow when you put the gumboots on that little lamb did go.

Friends, Romanians and losers lend me a beer.

Is this thing on ... bloody hell

OK red light's on, we are recording, we have action. Gentlemen and the rest of you low lifes start your eeeengines vrrrooommm

Part one of my tour diary. By Shane Warne.

Start typing now just leave out all the crap OK

Thank you for spending lots of dosh on this my first book. Yes for the first time the inside warts and all story of life in the road with the world's greatest leg spinner. Make that one of the top five cricketers of all time. True, check out Wisden sucker.

Remind me to put in a bit about charity, five per cent of proceeds go to deaf lepers or whatever ... buggar it, make that one per cent and give it to Def Leppard.

India the final frontier. As you alight from the plane at Bombay the gateway to this exotic land of 800 million cricket fanatics the dry heat is like an oven and the smell ... the smell ... is that India or is that Glen McGrath. Pigeon you animal !!!!

After our magnificent World Cup victory, our record breaking 15 Test wins on the trot every man who wears the Baggy Green knows this is the real test. To take on India at home, where the conditions, the climate, the culture and the chow are harsh and unfamiliar.

Led by our captain Steve goody two shoes Waugh and mate could I tell you a few stories about that smug bastard we are determined to cement forever our place in cricketing history.

Brrrrrr Brrrrrrr

Shit, the mobile. Hello ...

John you two-faced runt I told you to never never call me again.

Pitch information? You're joking. It's flat 22 yards long and there's three sticks at each end now take a long walk buddy. Piss off.

Cut that last bit out. Now where was I ...

Only one man stands between this imposing Australian Eleven and the glittering prize of a series win on the sub-continent. The Little Master, so revered by his compatriots, Sachin Tendulkar.

Brrrrrrr Brrrrrrr

Damn that bloody phone ... Yeah? Who is this and why are you breathing like that? Stop moaning or I'll hang up.

Darling I don't know how you got this number and I have no bloody idea why you've covered yourself in Tia Maria.

I'm a busy man. I've got a Test Series to win and I'm writing a book. What ... yeah a bloody book. Goodbye.

Crikey. Tia Maria.

Note to whoever's typing this. Take out everything I say on the phone.

Now I've lost my bloody train. Tough yakka this book bizzo.

OK, focus.

For Shane Warne this tour presents personal challenges which I am determined to overcome. The injuries, the off-field dramas, the ...

Brrrrrr Brrrrrrr

Not again. Hello?

Junior! What's cooking bro?

Mate, I'm rooted. I need a break.

What ... no, I'm writing a book ... my own book, Shane Warne's Tour Diary.

Yeah, yeah very funny Junior, but it's going to be a best seller.

Now who's on for a cold one. Meet you downstairs in five.

Peter Moss is a Director of Lodestar Communications

View entire issue - print all of the articles!

Issue 86 contents

Interview: Master of Opposition
Over the past five years, John Faulkner has turned the Senates Estimates structure into his own House of Pain. He explains the art of Opposition.

Politics: Beazley the Bridge Builder?
As the Howard Government flounders, Brett Evans looks at the challenges Kim Beazley faces as his hour of destiny approaches.

Unions: Lashing & Loathing at Patricks
Three years since one of the Howard Government�s most infamous episodes, the Waterfront War, Zoe Reynolds discovers how casuals are now doing the doing the dirty work on the docks.

Legal: Workers Without Rights
Mark Morey outlines the legal status and (lack of) rights for foreigners in Australia on working visas.

International: Dispatch from the Dispossessed
Mahendra Chaudhry, Leader of the People's Coalition and the Fiji Labour Party comments on this week�s court decision.

Economics: Business Power and Mobility
The US election season makes it patently clear how Big Business is able to transform its financial resources into political power via campaigncontributions.

History: The Spoilers and the Split
The Movement, Groupers, the DLP and The Doc. All have been blamed in various ways for the ALP split in the 1950s, ensuring the ALP was kept out of federal government until 1972. Can One Nation return the favour?

Review: The New Hard Politics
Dennis Glover argues that policy has taken over from spin as the political battleground of the new century.

Satire: Bradman Latest: Family In Dramatic Court Action
The family of the late Sir Donald Bradman yesterday sought a restraining order against Prime Minister John Howard after it became apparent that he wants to be involved in every single detail of the The Don's funeral.

» StoneTemple Pirate Outrage Hits Canberra

» Five Star Exploitation at Regent

» Workers Say: We Deserve Better

» Carr Called on Ten Year Temps

» National Textiles Workers Struggling 12 Months On

» MUA Prosecutes Patrick for Crippling Workers

» Test Case: Is Redundancy a Universal Right?

» Who Pays for the Public Works?

» Seven-day Strike at Five BHP Mines

» Chubb Cuts Place Security Guards at Risk

» Vic Employers Support New IR Laws

» Lock-Out Tactics Poison Neighbourhood

» Shangri-La: Lawyers Take Over from Thugs

» Daewoo Workers See The Ugly Face Of Globalisation

» Labour Wings to Meet in Macquarie Street

» Costa Kisses the Rings

» Meat Workers Dropped from the Queue for Q Fever Vaccine

» Activists Notebook