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Concerns on Fundraiser

Dear Sir,

In response to your advertisment for the Martin McGuinnes fundraiser. Over the past thirty years little of significance or for the greater good of mankind (LEAST OF ALL MCGUINNESS)has emerged from that nation of belligerents Ireland. That is , other than violence against the common man in a perverse and reverse iconoclastic and ideological power struggle .

An ideological struggle, that was philosophically structured under the influence of poteen , Guinness , and other forms of Porter brewed with the waters of the Liffey , a river consisting of effluent and toxic wastes from the city of Dublin

A futile and cancerous battle, which was relegated to the garbage tip of history with the European Union , You know the theory , eg: people living in peace , together..

That is until now I have recently from the Church of Ireland Internet Forum, received this draft groundbreaking Peace Agreement, which will peacefully resolve the battle for supremacy in that Land of the Free. The good old U.S. of A.

This revocation OF Independence will far surpass the Good Friday Peace Agreement, and will as a by-product dry up any further transfer of funds for the purchase of semtex , and will perhaps permit the remnants of many families , including mine to live a normal life after 30 years of senseless terror.

On a Lighter Note!

NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE

To the citizens of the United States of America,

In the light of your failure to elect a President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today.

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchial duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which she does not fancy. Your new prime minister (The rt. hon. Tony Blair, MP for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint aminister for America without the need for further elections.

Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary.

Then look up "aluminium". Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels.

Look up "vocabulary". Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. Look up "interspersed".

2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know on your behalf.

3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It really isn't that hard.

4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the good guys.

5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen", but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get confused and give up half way through.

6. You should stop playing American "football". There is only one kind of football. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good game. The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world

outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football. Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies). We are hoping to get together at least a US rugby sevens side by 2005.

7. You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear weapons if they give you any merde. The 8.85% of you who were not aware that there is a world outside your borders should count yourselves

lucky. The Russians have never been the bad guys.

8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 8th will be a new national holiday, but only in England. It will be called "Indecisive Day".

9. All-American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean.

10. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.

Tomas O`Colliean

  View entire issue - print all of the articles!

  Issue 80 contents

»	It's Official: Union Leaders More Trusted than Bosses!
»	Reith Isolated on Workers Entitlements
»	Light for Shafted Woodlawn Miners
»	ATO Workers Stand Up to Bullying Bean-Counter
»	Schweppes Lockout Bubbles Internationally
»	Online Registration Takes Hold
»	Bush Apprentices Face Breadline
»	ALP Council Faces Workers' Wrath
»	Local Action to Back Burma Sanctions
»	WorkCover Needs First Aid Help
»	Shier Under Fire � At Your ABC
»	Social Charter Puts Heat on Howard
»	Wattyl Make 'Em Fair Dinkum?
»	International Union Aid Jobs on Offer

»	The Soapbox
»	Sport
»	Trades Hall
»	Tool Shed

»	Botsman Off Beam
»	Botsman Off Beam II
»	Fatherly Advice
»	Concerns on Fundraiser
»	Let's Be Frank about Frank!

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