
Issue No 67		18 August 2000

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Satire

IVF Debate: Federal Government Tells Lesbians: "Get Fucked"

By The Chaser

MELBOURNE, Monday: The Federal Court decision to allow single women and lesbians to use infertility treatment in Victoria has been attacked by the Federal Government, the Catholic Church and by pro-family community groups.

The Minister for Health, Mr Michael Wooldridge said that "socially infertile" women would not be entitled to Medicare coverage of IVF treatment because they had a non-medical alternative "which is intercourse". "We're sending a clear message tolesbians: 'Get fucked'" Mr Wooldridge said.

Catholic Archbishop George Pell has also expressed his disapproval. "If single mothers can have children by themselves, children will miss out on having an absent father who forgets to call on birthdays," he said. "There will also be no-one around to evade their alimony payments."

Bill Muehlenberg, of the Australian Family Association, has roundly criticised the decision as a acceptance of the lesbian relationships. "Studies show that a heterosexual family is the most rounded way to bring up a child," said Muehlenberg. "Who will teach these children how to play football, how to burn sausages and how to get beaten to within an inch of their life if there is no father present in the home?"

Mr Muehlenberg believes that allowing a woman to become pregnant without a man goes against the natural order and years of practice. "If a woman wants to have a child without a husband then she should have to go out and have a series of one night stands with strangers," said Muehlenberg.

"I mean it's just disgusting that a child should find out that they were born due to some medical procedure rather than a beautiful tale of drunken shagging in some pub toilet with an anonymous stranger."

Members of the gay male community have breathed a sigh of relief at the finding.

"It was getting to the point that every week some dyke would ask me to make an exception and impregnate her," said Paul Markenson of Darlinghurst.

In unassociated news, stocks in Turkey Basters have plummetted.

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  Issue 67 contents

Interview: Slyly Selling the Silver
In their recently published book Privatisation, Sell-off? or Sell out? (ABC Books), Bob and Betty Walker took a long hard look at the major government asset sales of the last decade. Here they tell Workers Online what they've learnt.

Politics: Dysfunctional Society
Noel Pearson looks at the plight of Aboriginal people through a prism of class and comes up with a challenging perspective on Aboriginal welfare, law and order and the state of our society.

History: Money Power
Should the People or the Banks Rule? Reserve Bank Governor McFarlane thinks he knows the answer. Eddie Ward was pretty strongly of the opposite view when the ALP introduced the Commonwealth Banking Legislation in 1945.

International: Soccer Pro Tackles Nike
Olympic sponsor Nike is under pressure over its human rights record in the run up to the Sydney Games.

Economics: Globalony
Frank Stillwell looks at the contradictory nature of the globalising economy and fears it is turning into a race to the bottom.

Satire: IVF Debate: Federal Government Tells Lesbians: "Get Fucked"
MELBOURNE, Monday: The Federal Court decision to allow single women and lesbians to use infertility treatment in Victoria has been attacked by the Federal Government, the Catholic Church and by pro-family community groups.

Review: Confessions Of A Union Buster
It's not a new tome but the threat for Australian Unions remains the same if not greater as when this book appeared five years ago.

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