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  Issue No 65 Official Organ of LaborNet 04 August 2000  

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Sport

Sex, Drugs & Sporting Rorts

By Buster Punter

Punters let's get the gear off and come clean, sport is all about sex and power, with some drugs thrown in, and the fun is watching to see who gets it.

 
 

Whatever the contest � you can always boil it down to those to two intoxicating elements of sex and power. Punting on this stuff only heightens the interest.

With the excesses of a northern winter in Brisbane now gone and the Spring Carnivals yet to hot up, the main betting interest now is on the Olympic Games - so what's there to punt on...

Who's on Drugs?

Now this a bookies dream to bet on: plenty of speculation, hardly any form on the board plus the whiff of scandal hanging in the air to keep the media kettle boiling along. This is just like being at the track with no formguide but being armed with the knowledge that there's a fix on � so you have to know what to look for.

For all the Olympic power sports like weightlifting, shotput, sprinting and cycling, the drug of choice is the tried and trusted anabolic steroid. Apart from gorilla like physiques, things to look for here are athletes with:

  • lots of facial hair
  • an acne problem
  • a distended jaw, with maybe some teeth trouble
  • some liver or kidney troubles down the track
Come up with a tick for each these form pointers and you've got a dead set cert for a steroid junkie. Problem is though is that there seems to be more of these types than your clean looking competitors � so maybe the fun lies in picking the athlete that ain't rorting on the roids.

For the more endurance types of events though we're looking at a different form of "chemical fitness", as one of my old track vet mates used to affectionately term the process of hitting up with a bit of gear. The latest drug crazes here are stuff like EPO � a growth hormone that naturally occurs in the body in small amounts, or stimulants like speed or maybe even good old elephant juice (etorphine). Detecting these junkies by the naked eye is a tough call but some tell tale signs to look out for are an athlete that:

  • runs faster as they run further
  • has trouble pulling up after the event
  • can't finish a sentence before starting a new one in the post-race interview
  • has a bit heart trouble a few years after retirement
This is what's known in the racing game as 'Rocket Racer' syndrome. So named after a Perth Cup winner in the late 80's who was stung to the eyeballs on elephant juice and won the Perth Cup by 8 lengths and couldn't be pulled up after the race, doing nearly another lap of the course before it dropped dead from exhaustion. Add to the fact that this nag was owned by WA Inc. financial cowboy Laurie Connell, who bet up big on his nag that day and you've got a wonderfully poignant footnote that symbolises all that was bad in the greedy excesses of the 80's.

So let's not stuff around here punters, I reckon we go the whole hog and not only bet on who's taking the drugs at the Olympics but have drug taking as a demonstration sport, to find the champion substance abuser.

In fact I wanna do a Rupert style take over of the Olympics, sign up all the name athletes and stage a free drugs Games freak show rather than a drug free Olympic Games, where taking drugs is OK and the accent is on how grotesquely you can distort human development to achieve superhuman performance. Think of the ratings and all of the revenue that would come with it. This would have the added advantage of making all those reality TV freak shows redundant and opening up the sponsorship floodgates for well meaning transnational drug corporations.

Sex, Power and the Olympics

Putting aside the drugs for one moment (which one has to do now and then to retain some sensibility) isn't the Olympics just about the spectacle of sex and power? I mean isn't the Games an exercise in mass voyeurism with the world watching super sexed bodies competing for the power of celebrity? Or watching some very unsexed bodies jockey on the sidelines for a spot on the Olympics gravy train. Doesn't matter how ugly you are punters � power is seductive and just downright sexy � just remember that when you're on your 40th cigarette, 10th beer, carry 20kg over correct weight chasing a box trifecta on the last in Perth: you're still in the sex game if you can get the money.

So we've got the legitimised sex of skimpy outfits, tastefully nude sporting celebrity calendars with all the attendant tabloid gossip, so where does the last frontier lay? Well how about the first full-on porn video for a sports team, tastefully done of course. What 'Romance' was to art house cinema 'Softballers Get Hard' or 'Awesome Foursome' could be the groundbreaker for sex in sports media? Only a matter of time I reckon given the long-term trends of tolerance of sex and commercial exploitation of athletes in the media.

Kerry Stoked with Souths

Maverick media baron Kerry Stokes' recent sponsorship deal with the Rabbitohs is a nice little powerplay against his media rival Rupert Murdoch, whose News Limited empire is showing signs of distinct discomfort as the Red & Greens inch closer towards a judicial victory.

By throwing Souths a financial lifeline in the form of $1 million per year over three years, Kerry has kept the Rabbitohs in the court game, blocking the one weak spot they had in their legal defensive line: assuring the Federal Court beak that they would be financially viable if admitted back into the National Competition.

So here we have Rupert, with a shareholding in Channel 7, getting a touch up from one of his fellow shareholders and executive chairman of C7 - nice. Throw in the Sydney Morning Herald championing the Souths cause, Kerry Packer becoming a patron of the Souths football club ready to open the purse-strings and CNN supremo Ted Turner making sympathetic noises with Rusell Crowe, and you then start to get the feeling that the whole non News Ltd media world is urging on a Souths victory.

A Sheila Cracks It with the Old Boys

Finally, some congratulations is due to the dear old Australian Jockey Club. Those Kings School old boy types, after nearly 160 years of comparing the size of each others wads over a few balloon glasses of brandy, have decided life would be a bit more interesting if they had a girl on the inside, and so have elected a woman to their once all powerful committee for the first time. So in the 21st Century the AJC finally makes it to the 20th. Keep whacking away chaps � a bit more hard riding in the affirmative action stakes and you just may tack on to the tail of the field by next century without getting run over by the sexual discrimination ambulance.

Heard some hot goss, sourced some scandal? Then email Buster with the dirt and he'll lift the lid. Confidentiality and discretion guaranteed.

[email protected]


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*   View entire issue - print all of the articles!

*   Issue 65 contents

In this issue
Features
*  Interview: Hobart Perspective
Having held senior positions in both wings of the labour movement, Martin Ferguson went to Hobart with more perspective than most. He shares a bit of it with Workers Online.
*
*  Politics: Love-in In a Cold Climate
In our exclusive campaign diary we bring you the sights, sounds and smells of the ALP's Hobart conference.
*
*  Unions: Passion Plays
Canadian union campaigner Sharon Costello outlines how British Columbia nurses are using the arts to activate their membership base.
*
*  International: Spanish Telecom Builds Employee Portal
The prospect of on-line access for unions to company employees was outlined to Union Network International by the head of Spanish Telecommunications giant. Telefonica.
*
*  History: Husky Girls and the Female Psyche
When women entered the workforce during World War Two their male supervisors were given these simple tips to get the most out of them.
*
*  Satire: Communism Vindicated by Successful Collective Meeting
Tonight's meeting of the Marxism-Leninism Now Collective demonstrated the continuing relevance and ultimate success of communist principles, according to the Collective's Secretary, George Addison, 44.
*
*  Review: Following the Money
A new book looks at the role the bosses have played in the changing industrial relations framework.
*

News
»  Chaudhry, Burrow Discuss Strengthening Unions' Stand
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»  Shopping Centres' 'Pay to Work' Plan
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»  Labor's IR Platform: Winding Back Reith
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»  Redback clerks buck casual trend
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»  No Joy in Ministerial Mind Slip
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»  Parlt House Cleaners' Fight Gets Dirty
*
»  Rural Safety Lapses' Massive Cost
*
»  5000 Students Back the Hands that Feed Them
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»  Mobile Phones Health Warning
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»  Bank Staff Fight Fruitpicking Future
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»  No Science in CSIRO Sell-Down
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»  Hotel Workers Target Big Chains
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»  Wheels of Justice Slow as Reporters Walk
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»  Free Political Economy Classes for Activists
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»  APHEDA plans Asian and Middle Eastern tours
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Columns
»  The Soapbox
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»  Sport
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»  Trades Hall
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»  Tool Shed
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Letters to the editor
»  In defence of coffee
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»  Rail commuter warns pollies
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»  We want a bigger slice of pie
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»  Latham should watch the Footy Show
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»  Editor bagged
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