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  Issue No 63 Official Organ of LaborNet 21 July 2000  




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Music is Crap

By Peter Zangari

It's already the second half of the first year in the new millenium. Who would have ever predicted a crisis in the popular music industry when we are at such an advanced stage ?


Well to some pundits there is absolutely nothing wrong with what they're listening to in the flooded pop music market and seems like they want more of it.

There is however a disturbing trend out there with the so called 'new' music that is released from the major record companies day in and day out. These days you can easily pin point those pop music artists who were in need of a quick fix to make it to the top. But the old adage of 'what goes up must come down' has never rung more true than today.

Here are a number of top ten artists (with their own formula for success) that have helped contribute to the state of dissaray that is the popular music industry today.

Category: Single White Female Vocal

Britney 'I'm sure I was in the movie Lolita' Spears- With the release of her No. 1 debut "Baby one more time" the world was taken aback when a sixteen year-old schoolgirl was asking for another serve.The number of lolita types flooding the industry is worrying when all we seem to be encouraging is manufactured sour school gymnasium pop.

Cross reference: Christina Aguilera, Jessica Simpson, Anastacia, Vanessa Amerosi

Category: Yesterday's Pop Star

Bryan 'Resurrect my fading career so team me up with a dodgy dance act' Adams- You know a musical career (built on puny soft rock ballads) is at deaths door when your latest release 'Dont Give Up'features your artificially altered vocal track that sounds more like your wife. If he didn't already get the message in his own song, Brian should definitely give up.

Cross Reference: Cher, Tom Jones

Category: Rock Band

Matchbox 'We really do know at least four chords man' 20- The end of the guitar band is here. These five guys are just out of college and have been looking for a good time. Inane lyrics coupled with beginners chords gives the teeny bopper fans what they want.

Cross Reference: Third Eye Blind, Bon Jovi 2000, Silverchair

Category: Male Vocal Ensemble

Backstreet 'Yes, we once were extras in instant coffee commercials' Boys- Another easy formula . Just grab four or five out of work b-grade actors, gloss them over with a bit of make-up and let them drive expensive cars in their film clips. The chicks love it.

Cross reference: Nsync, Five, Boyzone

Category: Single Latino Male Vocal

Ricky 'Don't touch me- I'm worth more than the combined GDP of 27 third world countries' Martin. Most of what's covered in Backstreet Boys applies to this little spanish fly. Instead Mr Martin was a regular in an American daytime soap, once draped in long locks with a girlfriend called 'Maria'.

Cross reference: Marc Antony, Enrique Inglesias

Category: Female Vocal Ensemble

Destiny's 'Are you two-timing me again' Child. These three average looking wannabe superstars hit the charts this year with the repetitious 'Say my name'. The film clip says it all. No-one will remember their name once the clock has struck twelve 'cos their formula has already been exploited by some other girly group five minutes ago.

Cross reference: Spice Girls, TLC, En Vogue

Editors Note: The words 'musical talent' are notably absent from this story. While this story was intended to cover artists who possess considerable musical talent, the author accepts no responsibility for those artists covered who have a lack there of.......


*   What's the crappest music you've heard lately??

*   View entire issue - print all of the articles!

*   Issue 63 contents

In this issue
*  Interview: Paul Keating's Big Picture
The former Prime Minister is still painting on a broad canvass. He talks to Workers Online about the new economy, fair trade and political chi.
*  Unions: War in the West
Only six months after signing individual staff contracts, the gloss has worn off for some of BHP's Pilbara iron ore workers.
*  Environment: Farmers Fudge DNA Dangers
Farmers have missed the chance to have a meaningful debate into the use of genetically modified crops.
*  International: 'Dot Union' Proposal on the Table
ICANN, the global governing body of Internet domains, has released the following expression of interest in proposing a top-level domain for trade unions
*  Economics: Edge of the Abyss
Political economist Frank Stilwell argues that a constellation of events gives good reason to be worried about the Australian economy.
*  History: Taming the Tigers
Prominent labour historian, Dr Ming Chan, is visiting Australia to report on how workers are faring in the new Hong Kong.
*  Review: Music is Crap
It's already the second half of the first year in the new millenium. Who would have ever predicted a crisis in the popular music industry when we are at such an advanced stage ?
*  Satire: Last Kosovars Found Behind Couch
State Emergency Services personnel were called to a house in Brighton this morning, where the last five remaining Kosovar refugees have been found wedged behind a couch.

»  Unions Lead Ethical Investment Push
»  Surfing Good for Productivity - Management Experts
»  Third World Conditions For Rural Workers
»  Downer's Fiji Muddle Deepens
»  Hotel Worker Survey Questions Olympics Preparation
»  BHP Holds Gun to Kembla's Head
»  A Burning Issue as Joy Campaign Goes National
»  Garbos Forced to Ditch Early Start
»  Telstra - Making it Sleazier For You
»  Inquiry Blows Lid on Long Distance Trucking
»  Cab Company Highlights Labor Hire Quandry
»  What Olympics Jobs? Asks the AWU
»  Republican Elections Called for August
»  STOP PRESS: Landmark Legal Ruling on Asbestos

»  The Soapbox
»  Sport
»  Trades Hall
»  Tool Shed

Letters to the editor
»  Fair Go on Fair Trade
»  Fair Trade a Protectionist Smokescreen
»  Maxine's Tool Time
»  Telstra Rats
»  Man in a Handmade Suit
»  The Ideological Sound

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