
Issue No 61		07 July 2000

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Satire

Aussies Celebrate Centenary by Leaving Country

Prime Minister John Howard has defended his government's decision not to involve Australia in the centenary federation celebrations.

Mr Howard said Britain was a more appropriate place to commemorate Australia's parliamentary severance from Britain.

"We did think about doing something in Australia," Mr Howard said. "But the Queen couldn't make it, so we changed our plans to fit in around her. It's fitting that we celebrate our nation's independence among those who still rule us."

Mr Howard said most Australians at heart still consider themselves British, and that anyone who doesn't is un-Australian.

He said it's now compulsory for overbearing Australian graduates to do their 'year in London', and bore everyone in emails about how 'mad' it is.

A spokesman for the British Immigration Office confirmed that England has become home for many ambitious, talented Australians, and also for Jonathan Coleman.

"We can't keep them out," he said. "Thousands of Australians are smuggled into Britain every year. Most of them are desperate. Die-hard royalists, forgotten soap stars, junketing politicians. We found 58 dead in the back of a truck once. They'd expired from imperialist fervour."

Mr Howard was joined at the centenary celebrations by hundreds of Australian MPs and diplomats, who attended to get out of sitting on various UN select committees.

"It's more important that we consolidate our relationship with Britain, than begin one with the rest of the world," said Foreign Minister Alexander Downer. "Besides, the UN was only discussing human rights, which isn't something we support."

"The venue and the timing were both perfect," added Mr Downer. "People have complained that it is a rort, but we have saved the Australian taxpayers thousands of dollars by avoiding the introduction of the GST."

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  Issue 61 contents

Technology: Union Rep for Global Net Body
The godfather of unions and the Internet, Eric Lee, is seeking your support to give labour a voice on the net's governing body, ICANN.

Interview: Downloaded and Done Over
In the wake of the TV Networks' digital TV victory, Internet industry chief Peter Coroneus rues a missed opportunity for Australia.

Legal: The Global Millennium Project
The International Centre for Trade Union Rights (ICTUR) has developed a draft proposal for a comprehensive revision and modernisation of international labour standards for the new millenium.

Unions: Sandgropers Get Serious on Stress
The Australian Services Union in Western Australia in conjunction with the University of Western Australia, is surveying workers across the state's call centre industry.

Politics: New Work for a New Millennium
View in full the ALP's Draft Industrial Relations Policy to be taken to the National Conference at the end of the month.

Solidarity: Korean Hotel Workers Seek Global Help
Striking Korean hotel workers at the Swiss Grand Hotel and the Seoul Hilton are worried they could be the next targets of escalating riot police violence.

History: Vince's Parable of the Sundial
How a working man survived WWII and ASIO blacklists to save a sundial.

International: Room for Optimism from African Poll
The performance of pro-Deomcracy groups in the Zimbabwean elections has given supporters hope for better days.

Environment: Mexican Wave Goes Green
American politics has taken on a Green hue with the left leaning National Action Party and the Greens in Mexico picking up nearly 40% of the vote in the recent elections.

Satire: Aussies Celebrate Centenary by Leaving Country
Prime Minister John Howard has defended his government's decision not to involve Australia in the centenary federation celebrations.

Review: A Building Sings of Lives Lived in Music
Mysterious shadows flicker in the windows of the Parramatta Town Hall. Strains of trumpet and sarod float outside. It's all part of the urban Theatre Project's latest work, 'The Palais'.

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