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  Issue No 43 Official Organ of LaborNet 24 February 2000  

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Satire

Victorian ALP shock: "Apparently We're in Power!"


A recent survey conducted by the Victorian State ALP has revealed that the party is in government.

A source reported that the party's electoral committee was "shocked, and a little bit embarrassed" at having not realised this sooner.

"During December, we noticed that people began to consult our Opposition Leader, Steve Bracks, about important issues," explained the source. "We conducted some research to see if this growing popularity could help us to win power at the next election. We were pleasantly surprised to find that we had actually won the last one."

The failure has been put down to an oversight after last October's election. "Everyone's research, including our own, showed that Jeff Kennett's government was such a certainty to hold power that we didn't even bother to check the results in the papers on the Monday," the source admitted.

Premier Steve Bracks said he was pleased at the results of the research, but a little annoyed that he hadn't been told earlier. "I've just spent a fortune on new business cards saying 'Opposition Leader'," he complained. "And it means I've missed a summer's worth of good seats at the tennis."

The discovery supports critics' claims that the government has been inactive in the face of recent industrial turmoil. Admits Bracks: "For the last few months, we've been using the same approach we've always used in Opposition. We'd wait for Jeff Kennett to say something, and then I would just say the exact opposite. We'd been wondering why Jeff had been a bit quiet lately."

Mr Bracks admitted that his unawareness may have affected his performance as Premier. "When industrial trouble led to power shortages during 40-degree days last week, the media accused the government of complacency and incompetence," recalled Bracks. "Naturally, I called a press conference and agreed. I really let my government have it.

"Now I have to answer my criticism, and I will prove myself wrong."

Liberal leader Dr Denis Napthine thanked Premier Bracks for taking care of both Government and Opposition while a shattered Coalition recovered from the shock loss.

But he added that the Liberals have formulated a policy to win back voters' trust. "It's a bit like what the ALP did with Jeff," he explained.

"We'll wait for Steve Bracks to say something, then we'll say exactly the same thing."


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*   Issue 43 contents

In this issue
Features
*  Interview: Parting Gestures
Outgoing ACTU president Jennie George looks back on her time at the helm and charts some challenges for young women in the union movement.
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*  Unions: While We Were Sleeping
It’s been a long hot summer for Australian workers - from the showdown in the Pilbara to the victorious National Textile workers. We look at the stories Workers Online missed while we were in the banana chair.
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*  Media: Freudian Slips
The coverage of Jennie George’s final days as ACTU President were a case study in the art of psycho-tabloid.
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*  Legal: Cookies’ Fortune
The breakaway union led by a man personally backed by the Prime Minister has been refused registration in a ruling that raises questions over the whole enterprise.
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*  Politics: True Deceivers
In his controversial new book, Andrew Scott argues that Labor's rhetoric has outstripped its achievements.
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*  Review: Rebel With a Cause
A new Michael Moore has emerged at the frontline of subversive television. His technique? Combining organising with silly suits.
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*  Satire: Victorian ALP shock: "Apparently We're in Power!"
A recent survey conducted by the Victorian State ALP has revealed that the party is in government.
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*  International: Right Hand Drive
The rise of the extreme Right in Austria carries some important lessons for our own society.
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Columns
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»  The Locker Room
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»  Tool Shed
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Letters to the editor
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»  Just a Suggestion!
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»  Where is the Nexus?
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