||Issue No. 326||29 September 2006|
Interview: Australia’s Most Wanted
Industrial: The Fox and the Contractor
Unions: Industrial Wasteland
International: Two Bob's Worth
Economics: National Interest
Environment: The Real Dinosaur
History: Only In Spain?
Review: Clerk Off
Sol Man River
The Toolshed has worked out why the death of Steve Irwin caused the biggest outpouring of grief this country has seen since Steve Waugh stood down as captain of the cricket team.
The Crocodile Hunter was everything Aussie blokes wanted to be.
He loved everything to do with Australia. He listened to John Williamson. He spoke like Alf from Home and Away.
When the Government attached the prefix "Australian" to a dodgy workplace contract, he sung its praises.
Indeed, it was no coincidence that soon after Irwin's death crazy Mark Latham was lamenting the death of the larrikin culture - Irwin was it.
But, we digress.
The one characteristic about Irwin that made your average suburban conveyency solicitor want to wrestle a crocodile it was that Americans loved him.
Which is why we can understand how Sol Trujillo got the job as chief of the nation's telecommunications carrier.
We can imagine Telstra's board meeting, with Sol putting on his straw hat and swinging around a cane, telling the mesmerised audience about how he'd stuffed phone companies in Ogdenville, North Haverbrook and Brockway.
Evidently, his version of the monorail song from the Simpsons must have worked, because the board got out their chequebooks - and its been revealed the old Sol took home $8.71 million in his first year.
According to Chairman Don McGouchie, Trujillo had met his key performance indicators and deserved the coin.
While reluctant to expand what the KPIs were, we've deduced they were:
* flexible share payment options, including being able to pay for shares in the form of peanuts, cigarette butts or bottle caps;
* reducing profits in a market in which a virtual monopoly exists;
* having the Federal Government declare jihad on the company; and
* services at such a level where people are considering in investing in fishing line and a Heinz Baked Bean can.
By those measures, it's hard to argue Trujillo hasn't excelled himself.
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