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Issue No. 317 | 28 July 2006 |
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Independent of Facts
Interview: The Month Of Living Dangerously Unions: Staying Mum Economics: Precious Metals Industrial: The Cold 100 History: The Vinegar Hill Mob Legal: Free Agents Politics: Under The Influence International: How Swede It Was Review: Keating's Men Slam Dance on Howard
The Soapbox Politics The Locker Room
 Balancing ActSwimming UphillHelp is at Hand
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Tool Shed Banana Republican
***** It's official; Australia really is a banana republic. Paul Keating's prophecy came true this week under the guidance of the smirkin' merkin, Peter Costello. It is true that Costello has produced an economic miracle. It's a miracle that someone can let infrastructure, social services, education, the nation's skill base and employment conditions collapse during what is allegedly an economic boom. But then again, Costello is no economist, and he certainly isn't an intellectual, he is, in the fine tradition of Lionel Hutz, a lawyer. Another miraculous thing about the Prime Minister in Waiting and Waiting and Waiting and Waiting and Waiting and Waiting achieved was yet another reason why it isn't his fault. Apparently the latest reason why the price of everything is heading north while our job security is heading south, is because of the weather. The man who promised to keep interest rates low is about to keep them rising because of Cyclone Larry doing to the bananas what Peter Costello's been doing to the manufacturing sector for the last ten years. This is an interesting breakthrough for our esteemed Tool Of The Week as apparently when there is good economic news it is due to his prudent management, while any bad economic news (i.e.. most of it) is due to external factors, such as the weather, sand blight, the drought, people who don't look like us, Hannibal Lecter, Mercury in Retrograde and other scientifically proven economic guides such as goats entrails, comets, white haired children being born and partial solar eclipses. I'm certainly glad it isn't because of rising fuel prices, after all, Costello's mate, Rupert Murdoch, told us invading Iraq would give us oil at $20 a barrel - and he's another economic genius, isn't he? Fools are seldom in disagreement. Why does Peter Costello get within a week's walk of the idea that he is somehow competent to open a can of soup, let alone run the economy? This is the guy who has lowered unemployment by changing the definition of employment while appointing a tax dodger to the board of the Reserve Bank - and then getting that same tax dodger to advise him on taxation policy. Fair dinkum, Costello's genius is right up there with getting Ivan Milat to design Australia's tourism marketing campaign. This is the guy who has built an economy with the trading skills of North Korea and the manufacturing savvy of Zambia. This fawning, dribbling economic klutz reaches a new nadir of ineptitude with his increasingly embarrassing attempts to cast himself as a statesman. We are talking here of a man who has all the gravitas of an empty packet of Twisties. The guy who uses his personality as a contraceptive has encouraged us to have more children, because otherwise there will be "more of them" and "less of us". Given that any decent person would not wish to belong to any "us" that included Peter Costello, this can be no bad thing. So, next time you find yourself ruminating on why the hell brown onions are over $3 a kilo, or why it's costing about six hours labour to fill up the fuel tank, just remember, this is all due to the economic brilliance of Australia's longest serving carpetbagger, Peter Costello.
Nominate a Tool!
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