Workers Online
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  Issue No 31 Official Organ of LaborNet 17 September 1999  

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Satire

East Timor Poll Triumph: Support for Jakarta Up 21 Per Cent

By The Chaser


The Indonesian Government has declared that it is pleased with the result of the independence referendum in which 21% of East Timorese voted in support of maintaining links with Indonesia.

"21% is a great figure to work from," said one Indonesian official. "Sure, it's not 50%, but it's getting there. Hell, when we invaded back in 1975, nobody supported us.

Now it's up to 21%." Indonesian officials have reported a strong surge in support for Indonesian rule in Dili, particularly since they took control of the capital's streets.

"I used to think East Timor should be independent," said one Dili resident. "But the pro-Jakarta militias have shown such a caring attitude towards us in the last few days that, well, quite frankly, I've changed my mind. Bring in more of those gun-wielding maniacs, that's what I say."

The Indonesian government claims that the numbers supporting integration would have been higher had there not been such a culture of fear. "Many people wouldn't dare vote for integration for fear of being questioned by Richard Carleton," claimed President Habibie.

The Indonesian government has decided that they will react conservatively to the poll results. Rather than taking the rash step of changing the entire numeric system to ensure that 21 is more than 79 as proposed, the government will instead support the militia's murderous rampage until the 21 per cent repesents over half of the East Timorese population.

"After all there's no need to go overboard," said General Wiranto of the Indonesian Army.

Meanwhile, in East Timor, Bishop Carlos Belo has gathered East Timorese faithful to pray for a new investigation into the sexual indiscretions of US President Bill Clinton.

"The need for a distraction from Clinton's private life is the only way that the US government will be drawn to military action before the militias overrun our country,' he said.

Belo has sent emisarries to the trailer-parks of the United States in the hope that he can convince another of Clinton's lovers to come forward


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*   Issue 31 contents

In this issue
Features
*  Interview: Sadly Vindicated
Labor�s foreign affairs spokesman Laurie Brereton has spent the past year warning that East Timor would explode without a UN peacekeeping force. Now he�s had to watch his predictions come true.
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*  International: In the Bunker
One of the last reporters to leave East Timor, Workers Online's HT Lee remembers the week that Dili burned.
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*  Republic: Tarred With the Same Brush
Neville Wran asks why it is that the most fervant monarchists are also the most eager union-bashers.
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*  Unions: Hard Labour
Prisoner educators argue more attention needs to be given to rehabilitation through teaching, but they�re facing an uphill battle to convince authorities.
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*  History: Labour and Community
A history conference in Wollongong next month will look at the changing role for labour into the next century.
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*  Review: Bobbin' Up - 40 Years On
Forty years after its first publicaton and several European translations Bobbin Up, a classic of industrial fiction, is coming home.
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*  Satire: East Timor Poll Triumph: Support for Jakarta Up 21 Per Cent
The Indonesian Government has declared that it is pleased with the result of the independence referendum in which 21% of East Timorese voted in support of maintaining links with Indonesia.
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»  Lees Backs Freeloader Laws
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»  Outsourcing Decision - Banks Under the Gun
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»  Reith Forces Truckies to Speed
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»  He Talks the Talk - But Can He Walk the Walk?
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»  Commission Tells AGC to Get Into the Nineties
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»  Cost-Cutting Puts Clinical Waste in Landfill
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»  Prisons Reject Free Computers
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»  US Defence Giant Eyes Welfare Sector
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Columns
»  Guest Report
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»  Sport
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»  Trades Hall
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»  Piers Watch
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Letters to the editor
»  TWU Wrong on Union Bans
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»  A Lukewarm Republic
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»  Compo Premium Cheats Should be Policed
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»  Destroying Education
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