||Issue No. 309||02 June 2006|
When the Truth Hurts
Interview: Rock Solid
Industrial: Eight Simple Rules for Employing My Teenage Daughter
Politics: The Johnnie Code
Energy: Fission Fantasies
History: All The Way With Clarrie O'Shea
International: Closer to Home
Economics: Taking the Fizz
Unions: Stronger Together
Review: Montezuma's Revenge
Poetry: Fair Go Gone
The Locker Room
The Low Rent Commissioner
The Chairman of Australia's recently Christened Low Pay Commission appeared on our television screens last week with a bunch of flowers in one hand and a box of chocolates in the other.
"C'mon, baby, I've changed!" Ian 'Big Daddy' Harper pleaded, tie slightly askew.
"Forget that stuff about cutting your pay or sending you off to a sweatshop - I didn't mean it. Give me another chance - I promise I'll make it up to you."
On bended knee, Harper said he was ready to take the plunge and actually meet low paid workers - people he had previously only observed in the form of a pie chart in an economics textbook.
Comments he had made in the past, such as saying Australia never really developed to its potential because we never had sweatshop conditions like America had 'em, were of no consequence now.
After all, he is only in charge of the body that will set the legal minimums for the people working in the modern equivalents of the aforementioned sweatshops.
Harper says it's a religious thing - it's his duty as a dedicated Christian to look after those poor unfortunates.
And what better way to do that than to make sure they stay poor unfortunates.
Harper was reluctant to talk about his epiphany to Tony Jones, so we can only speculate it comes from Matthew 19:24.
I guess it must be some consolation Harper believes that their reward for being the shock absorbers of the economy awaits them in the afterlife.
Yea, the poltroon shied away both from religious discussion and preaching the economic benefits of having a percentage of the population going hungry.
Instead Harper pledged to listen.
Presumably he will be listening in the same way a schoolyard bully listens to the yelp of someone they have just given a wedgie to - or maybe the way a duck hunter listens to a quack.
He definitely won't be listening in the same way that the Australian Industrial Relations Commission did.
Unfortunately, when low paid have their own representatives and independent umpires, the snivelling grubs seem to want to be paid more.
That won't do. Harper knows best. Now come over here and sit on Big Daddy's knee.
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