||Issue No. 306||12 May 2006|
Interview: Out of the Bedroom
Industrial: Cloak and Dagger
Legal: The Fantasy of Choice
Politics: Labor Pains
Economics: Economics and the Public Purpose
Corporate: House of Horrors
History: Clash Of Cultures
International: Childs Play
Culture: Folk You Mate!
Review: Last Holeproof Hero
The Locker Room
The Real Truth About Independent Contractors
Blatant Self Promotion II
It was a tough decision, made after minutes if not seconds of deliberation, but this shamelessly self-indulgent promotion of the attractively packaged Deck Of Tools has rendered the author of this diatribe to be none other than a Tool himself.
It is not a unique observation, shared as it is by many who have observed this author's unique take on the nature of life, language and fashion sense.
As an unreconstructed Bogan, and someone who lists among their hobbies as drinking and smoking, marketing has presented itself as a new challenge.
Although stooping to new lows has never previously presented itself as a problem to this author, luckily Workers Online has a precedent to work off.
Just as after edition 100 we had a veritable array of toolworthy behaviour, so it is 200 odd editions on, with some sterling performances across the land, including:
- A half arsed Prime Minister invoking the spirit of mateship while doing his damnedest to rip it up and turn us all into a nation of backstabbing brats and slaves.
- A media mogul who decided to step into the limelight and remind us that donations to a worthy cause were a good thing because they got your company mentioned on the telly.
- A workplace relations minister from a parallel universe who seems to think that safety will always take precedence over profit.
- A right wing think tank that believes that human life can be protected by the invisible hand of market forces, although most of us would prefer a decent harness or something solid between us and the moving parts of the machinery.
It is interesting to note, over 300 editions of Workers Online that we have never been short of a tool each week.
We know the universe to be infinite because it has to hold the cluelessness of those that like to think they run the shop. From the grubby little embarrassment who passes himself off as the Prime Minister, to the empty wastes inside the head of his morally and intellectually bankrupt treasurer, through to the coke addled darlings of the Eastern Suburbs tennis circuit, we have a constant source of amusement, and an endless reminder as to why we will win - because, when it's all said and done, the people we are up against couldn't run a tap.
Watching the Howard government is like watching a car crash in slow motion.
To celebrate Workers Online lasting this long, an achievement in itself given this journalist's ambivalent relationship to the concept of a deadline, we have produced an attractively packaged deck of cards we describe as our Deck Of Tools.
From Piers the Hutt through to George W Bush we present a veritable cavalcade of tools, and we are offering this limited edition offer to you our valued reader, for the bargain basement price of $10.00 (A$20.00 for overseas readers).
Cards are a great way to socialise in and out of work. Even David Beckham can play snap. Some journalists can even count to ten. So the Deck Of Tools is a barrel load of fun waiting to happen.
They also make excellent gifts to Federal Liberal politicians and annoying conservative in-laws.
To get your very own Deck of Tools, and make the most of this new low in advertorial content, simply send your cheque or money order, along with your return postage details and the quantity of decks you want, to:
Workers Online Limited Edition Deck Of Tools Offer
4 Goulburn Street
Normal service will resume next week, but Phil Doyle will still be a tool.
It's good to know that some things remain constant in these troubled and ever-changing times.
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