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Issue No. 299 | 17 March 2006 |
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For Queen and Country
Interview: Organising In Cyberspace Industrial: How Low Is Low Industrial: Cloak and Dagger Unions: Bad Medicine History: Right Turn, Clyde Economics: Long Division International: Union Proud Politics: Howard�s Sick Joke Indigenous: The year of living dangerously Review: Lights, Camera, Strike! Culture: News Front
The Soapbox Parliament The Locker Room
 Revelations of St JohnSave Frost
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Tool Shed Euthanasia For All, Not Just The Rich
*** The Australian Mines and Metals Association is a laugh a minute crowd. They recently held their annual powwow in the shadow of the Tasmanian state election; in Launceston to be precise. While Howard's new workplace laws fill nine out of ten Australians with feelings ranging from nausea to revulsion, the suits at the AMMA who like to pass themselves off as if they actually do something productive, accused WorkChoices of being too soft. No doubt looking nostalgically to the age when they could send a nine year old down a pit, and obviously unhappy they haven't killed as many people as they'd like, the AMMA, led by their fearless leader Steve Knott, called on the so-called WorkChoices to be toughened up. The AMMA is working on an "alternative model" for employee relations in Australia believing Work Choices has not gone far enough. It remains unclear whether compulsory servings of gruel, floggings or serving up the lives of the firstborn are what Serious Steve has in mind. Apparently euthanasia is part of the solution; or, more specifically, euthanasing the award system. This system is constantly eroding profits because these miners, tinkers, pederasts and sundry odd job men of the stellar right are constantly forced to have to pay people. Slavery would provide them with the flexibility they have long desired. That, and other agendas that make Dr Evil look like a Civil Rights Activist. The award system itself should be "euthanased", Knott told the slavering mass. "The award system is limping along like a wounded dog; and needs to be put down." He told the gregarious mix of the mad, the bad and the clinically insane. Maybe not a wounded dog, but old Knotty does a fair impersonation of a mad dog, illustrating his sophisticated understanding of just what this industrial relations debate is about, by presenting an overhead projection of a picture of a startled Chimpanzee as an example of the ALP's reaction to workchoices. Given that Tasmanian Premier Paul Lennon is about to be returned on the back of a re-election strategy of nailing his flag to the Your Rights At Work campaign, despite showing a public policy sophistication seldom seen outside of Djibouti or Sierra Leone, our Tool Of The Week exhibits a subtle genius in insisting his policy is a prescription for popular renewal. It immediately became apparent to everyone outside of Knott's asylum that the only thing close to being euthanased was this drongo's credibility. Knott said his crew is working on a paper 'Beyond Enterprise Bargaining', also known by its working title Arbeicht Macht Frie. Knott is another in a litany of sad, sorry individuals who are ensuring that Howard is losing this industrial relations war. Sure, he may win a few battles, but with peanuts like Knott in his saddlebag it is inevitable that this policy will one day be little more than bleached bones in the desert. Besides, if Knott thinks that euthanasia is a solution he may want to start with the bloke he looks at in the mirror each morning.
Nominate a Tool!
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