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Issue No. 297 | 03 March 2006 |
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Howard's Decayed
Interview: Court's in Session Industrial: Whose Choices? Politics: Peter's Principles Environment: TINA or Greener? History: Its Not Just Handshakes and Aprons International: US Locks out Jose' Bove Education: No AWA - No Job Culture: Jesus was a Long-Grass Man Review: Charlie the Serf
The Soapbox The Locker Room Parliament
 Belly Tells It Like It IsWhat's Going On?
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Tool Shed Flugging Yourself
***** Good old Aussie ingenuity has swung to the forefront again this week with the country that gave us the stump jump plough and the Victa one stroke using a bit of Aussie outback know how in developing the Flugge. The Flugge is a handy device that has a predisposition towards not hearing anything unpleasant, criminal or immoral, thus rendering the Flugge incapable of doing wrong. Sometimes the Flugge can be seen brandishing a weapon, but one is not to be alarmed, as money dispatched by The Flugge to any enemies of Australia is merely used to purchase ammunition to shoot at our soldiers. Soldiers, so the Supply Side theory says, are reliable sorts of chaps who don't mind being shot at a bit, as well as being reliable coalition voters who can be handy in a tight electoral contest. Flugge's handy ability at not hearing anything that may incriminate him or the entire Federal cabinet in culpability of throwing six figure sums at third world dictators they were allegedly trying to depose has created consternation amongst those who attempt to reconcile public policy with logic. Trevor Flugge recognised that his organisation, the Australian Wheat Board and Wimmera and District Cricket Association, had an excess of cash, and giving it to despots to build human shredding machines was merely his way of sharing the love. Why should evil despots in the Middle East be excluded from a bit of old fashioned Aussie generosity? Our man in Baghdad, Flugge, knows how a bit of the old palm oil smooths every highway. Now this sort of action may be viewed as questionable by Howard hating members of the latte sipping left, which - judging from public opinion - seems to include everyone and their dog. Luckily our Tool Of The Week hasn't wasted any of his remarkably considerable remuneration over the years on something as whacky as a hearing aid. If he had he would have worked out that he was breaking the laws of nature, let along the laws of society. This selective deafness is a fantastic new development for public life in Australia. It means that every legal, moral or social obstacle to carrying on like a spoilt two year old is removed, thus allowing those with money and privilege to assume their rightful place in society to do what they bloody well please. Of course, he may have buggered up the wheat trade with one of our largest export partners but, hey, everyone has a bad day at the office. Just multiply that bad day by 365, and multiply that by the number of years the Flugge has been in his job and you will get the idea of with this exceptional man calls a career. Now, a less tolerant nation would call this corruption, treason and aiding and giving comfort to a known enemy. But we are a far more tolerant folk. Our government saves its wrath for people who are trying to raise a family or some other such subversive activity. After all, there is a war on. And next best thing to distract people about the fact that we propped up a bloke who has been represented as some kind of 21st century Hitler, is to blame the victims who ran away from that steaming bucket of sith and came here for a better life. After all, none of them are customers of the AWB. Or at least if they are, then we didn't hear, right? Either way, no one knows what the hell is going on and how do you get to run anything in this country without having the mental motor function of a fire hydrant with none of the memory ability? Mr Flugge is probably deserving of an accolade as a hero, certainly he was to the Saddam regime. His efforts to ensure they weren't inconvenienced by sanctions must have come as some relief to the enquiring minds at DFAT. Someone without a firm grasp of market economic theory may view the actions of Mister Flugge, and their remarkably tangential relationship with government policy, as the sort of arse-falling-out-of-your-brain experience that deserved a public flogging, or at the very least acquainting him of how the door worked, vis a vis using it to leave and not come back. But that sort of muddle headed thinking has never gotten a member of the idiot rich anywhere. No, Howard decided to punish this man by giving him a million dollars. Imagine how much he would have got if he could actually remember what he's doing from day to day. The only problem is that Mr Flugge seems to have a very sound memory concerning the million dollars, a sum he refers to as "my money". What would be refreshing would be if the Flugging idiot forgot we gave him all that dosh, and that it came back to the people of Australia so we could spend it on bullets for Australian troops, not bullets to be fired at them. It's not the same as getting back what his company gave Saddam Hussein in his hour of need, but it'd be a start.
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