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  Issue No 29 Official Organ of LaborNet 03 September 1999  

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Satire

Crime Figures Down: NSW Elections Postponed

By The Chaser

The release of statistics showing decreasing crime rates has threatened to delay the next NSW election.

Both the State Government and the Opposition have admitted that if such statistics were made available to the public in the lead up to the next state poll - due in March 2003 - the election would almost certainly have to be called off.

"A decrease in crime would seriously threaten our ability to run a policy-based election," the NSW Premier, Mr Bob Carr admitted yesterday.

Mr Carr is particularly concerned about his law and order policy "Vote for Chika and get Brutally Murdered" and his new taxation policy "Less tax, less brutal kidnapping."

The Health Minister has also admitted that Labor's health policy, "More emergency rooms for those brutally savaged by muggers" may be under threat.

The Opposition has admitted that there is no way it will contest an election with a public unafraid of crime. "We have leader who is less popular than Ivan Millat. Without crime we have no chance," admitted an anonymous Liberal. "Indeed, our polling suggests that our leader is so unpopular it would be a crime if she won. Therefore we definitely need crime."

The Liberal leader, Mrs Chikarovski is however remaining positive. "There's always the chance that there will be a particularly savage murder in the lead up the elections," she said "we've just got to be optimistic."

Political commentators are confident that the election will be held regardless of the crime statistics.

"Law and Order elections can still be run despite contrary statistics, they have been every other time," one commentator pointed out.

Nontheless The Daily Telegraph has apparently been contacted by both parties to see if they can increase their content of ethnic crime stories to assist with the problem.


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*   Issue 29 contents

In this issue
Features
*  Activists: Virtually Here - Eric Lee
From the Kibbutz to cyberspace, Andrew Casey profiles the work of an Internet class warrior.
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*  Interview: Net Benefits
Sean Kidney has been combining business savvy with social justice for more than a decade. He gives us his take on unions and the Net.
*
*  International: Dateline Dili
As the United Nations attempts to begin counting the votes from East Timorís independence referendum, the capital Dili is rapidly spiralling out of control.
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*  Unions: Secret Herbs and Spices
Read KFC worker Claire Hamilton's speech to last week's Second Wave Rally.
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*  Politics: Loosening Laborís Links?
Is Labor under Kim Beazley fundamentally changing its social appeal and turning itself into the Australian equivalent of Bill Clintonís Democrats?
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*  Labour Review: What's New at the Information Centre
Our regular update on papers and articles for union officials and students.
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*  History: Immigration, Racism and the Labour Movement
An upcoming conference asks some hard questions about the politics of immigration.
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*  Satire: Crime Figures Down: NSW Elections Postponed
The release of statistics showing decreasing crime rates has threatened to delay the next NSW election.
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*  Review: Trains of Treasure
A new CD of poems and songs pays tribute to our rich locomotive history.
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News
»  Workersí Savings to Bankroll Vizard Plan
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»  Dress Nazis: Undies, Jewellery in Uniform Code
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»  Clothing Farce: Only the Smalls are Home Grown
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»  Overseas Trip for Organiser of the Year
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»  State Transit Lodges Claim on Bus Drivers
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»  Compo Stats Donít Justify Slash and Burn
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»  Second Wave on Misos Menu
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»  Workers Rally To Protect Disabled Homes
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»  Carr Ministersí New Years Eve Betrayal
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»  Telstra Execs Doing Quite Well, Thank You
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»  Award Breach. Did Nike Just Do It?
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»  Unions Back League Class Struggle
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»  STOP PRESS: Images of Burma
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»  Musos, Authors in Joint Fundraiser
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Columns
»  Guest Report
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»  Sport
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»  Trades Hall
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»  Piers Watch
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Letters to the editor
»  Is Bevis a Butthead?
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»  More Vizard Feedback
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»  The Republican Soapbox
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»  Pensioners' Plea
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