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Issue No. 282 | 23 September 2005 |
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Highway To Help
Interview: Polar Eclipse Industrial: Wrong Turn Unions: Star Support Workplace: Checked Out Economics: Sold Out Politics: Green Banned History: Potted History International: Curtain Call Review: Little Fish Poetry: Slug A Worker
The Soapbox The Locker Room Parliament Postcard
 Fair PlayLatham LamentMissed the Mark
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Tool Shed A Hartsuyker Born Every Minute
***** In Coffs Harbour they have a big banana; his name is Luke Hartsuyker. Last Tuesday night he shared his wisdom with us, which didn't take long. Luke is the National Party member for the Federal seat of Cowper on the NSW Mid North Coast. As such he will vote on the government's proposed new Masters and Servants Act, which isn't the scary bit. Luke attended a meeting held over the issue of whether or not it was a good idea to let employers pay their staff with a rock and a shiny thing if they wish, which, while being alarming, is not the scary bit either. The meeting was well attended and many of his constituents expressed more than a little bit of alarm at the prospect of watching their job security become rather mortal; scary, but not the scary bit here. Luke addressed the meeting, calming everyone down by saying we needed to work the country harder and be more competitive with China and India; extraordinarily alarming if it means we take on the working standards of either nation, but not as scary as it could be. After opening and closing his mouth and emitting sounds for ten minutes Luke sat down again, much to everyone's relief. No one who is in that room will have that ten minutes again, which is a shame, for in that ten minutes they learned only one thing, and that was just how blissfully ignorant the good member for Cowper was. Then came the scary bit. During a Q&A, after Luke's great contribution to intellectual flatlining, he told the assemblage that the prospect of being on an individual contract was a boon to local workers. Luke expanded on this unique take on economics by saying that workers in service and hospitality industries are in a "strong bargaining position" when it comes to negotiating their pay and conditions. While one of the attendees politely described Mr Hartsuyker's contribution as "a joke", the rest of the room was incredulous. How could somebody so blindingly stupid possibly have enough intelligence to remember to breathe. While Hartsuyker's diminished intellectual capacity may reflect on the National Party and its unhealthy obsession with animal husbandry, it nonetheless remains a fact that it is he and his political allies that will determine the fate of all Australians in the workplace. That is a scary thought. Someone who is so devoid of intellectual ability that he thinks that we will become a nation of fast talking negotiators like his mates over at the Westpac Bank must have a genius that can only be described as subtle. Still, there is no such thing as a useless person. Hartsuyker could always come in handy if we could get a blueprint of his brain in the event that we needed to build a moron. Hartsuyker is keen for income to be linked to productivity. A curious idea given that any measure of his efforts to protect or improve the lot of his constituents would see his income heading south faster than a newspaper truck on the Pacific Highway. That, of course, would entail Hartsuyker having to abandon his long cherished principle of being a bottom feeding hypocrite, something the National Party excels at on the Mid North Coast. Working people voting for the likes of these clowns is about as smart as a Turkey voting for Christmas. Still, our Tool Of The Week invokes an old political adage: You can fool some of the people some of the time. You can fool all of the people some of the time. But you can't fool anyone if your arguments make about as much sense as Tony Abbott's family tree. For Luke, who has never done a days work in his life, the truth is going to get pretty scary.
Nominate a Tool!
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