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Issue No. 275 | 05 August 2005 |
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Iemma�s Dilemmas
Interview: On Holiday Unions: One Day Longer Industrial: Never Mind the Bollocks Politics: Spun Out Economics: If the Grog Don't Get You .... History: Taking a Stand International: The Split Legal: Pushing the Friendship Poetry: Simple Subtractions Review: Sydney Trashed
Parliament The Soapbox The Locker Room International Postcard
 Back To The PastAFL-CIO Not The Only WarBe AfraidFrame UpWe Love MorrisANew DevelopmentA Readers Suggestion
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Tool Shed Armed Robb
*****
Andrew Robb has an interesting take on the political process. In his latest effort he likened political activism to erectile disfunction, Nigerian financial shakedowns and dodgy university diplomas. Emails from citizens contacting their representative politicians are nothing more than "spam" according to the man who lost the "unlosable" federal election in 1993. He was attacking the new organization GetUp, which Robby claims is a great Labor party conspiracy, with his old boss John Hewson at the head. Now '93 makes sense for Andrew; John Hewson was a Labor plant ball along. Mind you, in any other job a stuff up like 1993 would have been the end of you. Luckily Andrew doesn't live in the real world and thankfully the Liberal Party has form in rewarding this sort of incompetence. In the former Liberal party king-pin's case they left his name on the stationery, and put Jeanette Howard in charge of the 1996 campaign. It wasn't much of a risk. Ivan Milat would have had a good show against Paul Keating in 1996. Following on from that Robb headed up the extremely successful Yes campaign for a Republic. Without Robb, no one could have succeeded in creating the impression that the Yes camp were a bunch of slick talking lawyer wankers that had never done a days work in their lives. The Liberal party decided they'd had about as much success as they could stand, so Robb, not having any mates in his home state, moved to Victoria so he could enjoy the experience of not having any mates in a completely new environment, and entered parliament. With all this campaign genius behind him our Tool Of The Week has now been hand-picked by John Howard as the person to blame when their IR campaign goes pear shaped. In the mean time he has been given $20 million of your money to keep him amused. No doubt many are curious as to what strategy Robb will use to take the bad smell emanating from the coalition front bench known as IR reform, and turn it into a sweet smelling perfume. As a strategy it is brilliant. Robb will be linking IR Reform to the Australian way of life. Working sixty hours a week without holidays is the Australian way according to Andrew Robb, who must have popped out for a gin and tonic during the Australian History bit at school. We can look forward to his revelation that the ethos of mateship is going through people's pockets looking for loose change after you've knocked them over the head with a short piece of pipe. No wonder he wants to wrap IR reform in the flag. That's the sort of Australia he's been championing for the last twenty years. In fact, those opposing IR reform are downright un-American in Robb's view. In fact Andrew will be working further on his brilliant communication strategy in the Tool Shed this week. Look forward to the announcement that IR Reform will abolish holes in donuts; make the young feel old and the old feel young; cure arthritis, gangrene, baldness and tinea; get clothes whiter than white and keep your lawn fresh and healthy all year round. Is it possible that Andrew's been having too much of the Peruvian Marching powder while he's been brainstorming this genius with the boys from the ad agency? Either way, it's a sign of how much trouble the Howard government is in when they are leaving policy in the hands of people who wear ponytails and bow ties, or even worse, Andrew Robb. If the honourable member for Goldstein can rise to such an exalted position on the back of his previous experience, imagine how far he could go if he actually had any ability!
Nominate a Tool!
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