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Issue No. 267 10 June 2005  
E D I T O R I A L

Rivers of Gold
The latest catchphrase from the econmentariat seems to be ‘infrastructure’ – which I think refers to what we used to know as ‘public works’.

F E A T U R E S

Interview: The Baby Drought
Social ethicist Leslie Cannold has delved into why women - and men - are having fewer children. And it all comes back to the workplace.

Industrial: Lies, AWAs and Statistics
David Peetz uncovers the truth behind the latest statistics on earnings under Australian Workplace Agreements.

Workplace: The Invisible Parents
Current government policies about work and family do not reflect the realities of either family life or the modern workplace. writes Don Edgar.

History: Bruce’s Big Blunder
The Big Fella, Jack Lang, gives an eyewitness account of the last time Conservatives tried to dismantle Australia’s industrial relations system.

Politics: All God's Children
The battle for morality is not confined to Australian polittics. Michael Walzer writes on the American perspective

Economics: Spun Out
The business groups are feeling cocky. The feds have announced their IR changes, business says they don't go far enough. What a surprise, writes Neale Towart

International: Shakey Trials
Lyndy McIntyre argues the New Zealnd IR experiment provides warnings - and hope - for the Australian union movement.

Legal: Civil Distrubance
Tom Roberts argues that there is more at stake than an attack on building workers in the looming legsilation.

Review: Crash Course In Racism
Paul Haggis flick Crash suggests that when cars collide the extent of people's prejudices are revealed sans the usual veil of political correctness, writes Tara de Boehmler.

Poetry: You're Fired
New laws will leave bosses holding the whip and workers with a Raw Hide, writes resident bard David Peetz

N E W S

 Feds Wrong on Minimum Wage

 Dogs in Sheep’s Clothing

 Andrews Faces Probe

 NSW Packs IR Scrum

 China Syndrome

 Pirates Of The Canberrean

 Foxtel Scores Own Goal

 Killer Bosses on Notice

 Apprentices Spitting Chips

 Howard Chokes Working Women

 Vice Regal Notes

 Survey – Do it Now or Else

 Greens Join Fight

 Workers win repreive

 Activists Whats On!

C O L U M N S

The Locker Room
Ashes to Dust
In which Phil Doyle travels to distant lands in search of a meat pie, and prepares for the joys of sleep deprivation

Parliament
The Westie Wing
Ian West lists the Top Ten reasons why workers in NSW can gain some solace from having the Labor Party sitting on the Treasury benches…

The Soapbox
Dear John
In response to this year’s Federal Budget, Bishop Kevin Manning wrote an open letter to the Prime Minister, Mr John Howard

L E T T E R S
 Secure Advice
 All The Way With The USA
 Expensive Door Charge
 Teen Years in Detention
 Court Cases are Media’s Drug
 Lang Is Right
 Legalising Unfairness
 Hertz Meenz Hurtz
WHAT YOU CAN DO
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Tool Shed

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Genetically enhanced Tool Alexander Downer seeks political asylum in the Tool Shed

*****

The Hooway Henwy from central casting gets a gong this week, but it's not one of the Falun vawiety, wather he is wewarded with the Tool Shed after a masterful display of self-interested political expediency.

Is there any wonder that he is weferred to as the Foweign Minister, as most of what happens in his Ministry is foreign to him.

Lord Downer of Baghdad likes to see himself as the champion of the oppwessed.

Just last month he was up at Eawle Page Cowwedge in the Northern Tablelands weminding the descendants of Austwalia's Bunyip Awistocwacy of why Black Jack McKewan's Countwy party wouldn't trust the Libwal party as far as they could comfowtably spit them out.

It was Menzies who stood fiwm against the onslaught of Nazism, according to Lord Downer and he's reading of Rin Tin TIn, while the Quislings from the ALP ran off mouthing their admiwation for Hitler and Mussuwini.

Or was it the other way awound?

Oh well, who cares. Daddy was there. He soon sorted things out.

None of this sucking up to foweign wascals for him!

And so Downer the Lesser follows in the bwave family footsteps by vanquishing evildoers and stamping out tywanny.

Well, most of the time.

You see, the problem is all these opwessive governments are just so damnably lucwative.

So if one of those little Chinese chaps stawts doing a Petrov and twying to come in fwom the cold when we're about to sign off on a deal that will give us cheap T shirts, runners and Oyster sauce until the end of time, it's all damnably inconvenient as I'm sure you will all undewstand.

Spooks and all that are all jolly good and vewy exciting, but if they want to have 1000 spies opewating here that's their business. The Foweign Minister can't be expected to be wesponsible for what's happening here, that's why he's the Foweign Minister.

The Foweign Minister is more into the exciting stuff like Iwaq, where were libewating people back to the Stone Age.

Besides, no one seems to mind how many spies our good friends the US has opewating here.

And the head boy, Costewwo, keeps rewinding us all that we mustn't let those pesky little issues stand in the way of a handsome weturn on capital.

And the Chinese cewtainly have an admiwable way of dealing with those gwubby little upstawts fwom the unions.

Put them against the wall and have them all shot, just like daddy would do, or that strange fellow fwom Sydney, the Catholic chap, Abbot. All vewy sensible.

Besides, Alex is vewy fond of the Peking Duck.

Yes, Bwave Lord Downer, when faced with an issue of standing fiwm on human wights or capitulating to a fast buck is sure to fold faster than Superman on laundry day.

Such a stwong, firm, pwincipled Tool.



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