||Issue No. 254||04 March 2005|
Thatís Our Team
Workplace: Dirt Cheap
Industrial: Daddy Doesnít Live With Us Anymore
Economics: Who's Afraid of the BCA?
International: From the Wreckage
Politics: Infrastructure Blues
History: Meat and Three Veg
Savings: Super Seduction
Politics: Popping the 'E-Word'
Poetry: To Know Somebody
Review: Off the Rails
The Locker Room
Janetís Job No Victory
Royal Finger Lickers
Will $20 Restore Carr?
The 200 Million Dollar Man
Colin Barnett came a cropper this week.
His grand plan for canal tours to the Kimberley left the Western Australian public less than whelmed.
Barnett announced his plan in an attempt to promote himself as some sort of visionary.
Unfortunately his visions were actually mirages.
When everyone picked themselves up off the floor and the laughing subsided it appeared that the cost would be the equivalent of a NASA programme, and share a similar orbit.
While Col assured everyone in earshot that his feet were firmly on the ground, his plan to ship dehydrated water from up north led some to draw other conclusions.
It was an intellectual dynamism not seen since the Parrot began to take his medication again.
Even so, "mad" Col Barnett had a plan for what to do with the said water when his unique take on the Tories trickle-down policy was implemented.
The water was to be used for water cannon that could be turned on unruly elements in WA.
Such are the heights to which a law and order debate will plumb.
It was also convenient that the company that was going to build the aforementioned canal also produced a handy range of water cannon that could be thrown in as a job-lot.
And what was going to pay for this extravagance?
The firm fiscal management that we have come to know as the hallmark of the Liberal Party.
Barnett - the man with a plan, the man who was going to make the young feel old and the old feel young, the man who would ensure that there was no holes in donuts and a policeman in every bedroom - had budgeted his vision down to the last cent.
Unfortunately he was out by a few billion cents.
Barnett is living proof that Peter Costello is not the only Liberal who can't count.
But it would be churlish to quibble over his budget being out by the odd several hundred million or so.
It was a common mistake. I'm sure we've all lost $200,000,000.00 down the back of the lounge from time to time. It's an easy mistake. Why not let him run the state?
Maybe it was a dirty tricks campaign? Black propaganda? In which case Colin Barnett can go down in history as the only politician to run a dirty tricks campaign against himself from out of his own office.
No doubt what was needed to get to the bottom of the matter was a canal probe.
Col's biggest problem, however, appears to be that no one actually wanted him to become Premier, least of all his colleagues in the Liberal Party.
At least Col did show the extent of Howard's electoral magnetism. He took every opportunity to stand beside dear leader Howard, flashing his goofy grin, and it appeared to be not worth much. The SS Barnett still sunk.
The Tool Shed salutes Colin Barnett: the visionary genius who managed to bring division where there could have been unity, chaos where there was once order, and snatched defeat from the jaws of victory.
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