||Issue No. 249||03 December 2004|
Interview: Minority Report
Industrial: Girl Power
Unions: Made in NZ
History: Spirit for a Fair Go
Economics: Fool's Gold
Politics: Worth Fighting For
Health: The Force Behind Medibank
Legal: Robust Justice
International: After the Revolution
Poetry: The Sound of Unions
Review: Bad Santa
The Locker Room
Not A Casey Fan
Rich Tool Poor Tool
It's a scary thought, but for one day last week Peter Costello was Australia's Prime Minister.
No, it wasn't just one of those moments when the smirkin' merkin closes his eyes and dreams of what might have been.
The galoot in a suit was fair dinkum roped into the top job because Dear Leader Howard was off at a silly shirt competition in Japan and John Anderson was up bush on family business or preg-testing the cows, or maybe both.
Some people aspire to greatness, other people acquire greatness, and some people have greatness thrust upon them, and then there is Peter Costello.
His latest bit of subtle wisdom was a few idle statements on the state of the economy.
Before the election we had the best economy in the world. It was a land of milk and honey. He was part of a government that promised to make the young feel old and the old feel young.
There would be no holes in donuts when Costello and his mates were returned.
Our Tool Of The Week made dire warnings for weeks on end that a vote for Latham was a vote for economic calumny and financial oblivion. Interest rates would soar and millions would be thrown out of work. People would have to sell their children into slavery, etc. etc.
He told anyone who cared that all of the good economic news was wholly and solely the work of Costello Pty. Ltd.
That was when we weren't getting the guffawing, back-slapping, everybody's pal during the election campaign where Costello was bouncing around cracking one liners with all the wit and charm of a cockroach.
The fact is Peter Costello is about as funny as a dead baby's doll.
There was none of Costello's legendary wit on display this week as he gravely assured us that budget cuts would be necessary and that the parlous state of the Australian economy was caused by the US Dollar.
Hang on? Why wasn't the US Dollar's effect upon our economy an issue before the Federal election?
If our Tool Of The Week was responsible for the economy before the election, he's not now.
Of course, now we need budget cuts, says Costello.
The cupboard is bare.
Bad news for anyone who thought the largesse of $600 handouts was going to continue.
You don't have to be Einstein to work out why the urgently needed squillion dollar taxpayer funded advertising campaigns we were bombarded with before the election have disappeared.
Thankfully we now have runaway personal debt and a property bubble to prop up the economy.
It'll be interesting to see whom our Tool Of The Week will blame when interest rates inevitably rise and the only people with a secure job will be repo men.
The amazing thing is this clown sells himself as a responsible economic manager when, truth be told, he's none of the three.
We can only hope that the accident of history that saw him as Prime Minister the other day will never be repeated.
The only place he belongs is in the Tool Shed.
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