||Issue No. 237||10 September 2004|
Interview: True Matilda
Politics: State of Play
Industrial: Capital Dilemmas
Unions: Rhodes Scholars
National Focus: Rennovating the Lodge
International: People Power
Economics: A Bit Rich
History: Mine Shafts
Safety: Sick Of Fighting
Organising: Building a Wave
Poetry: Anger In The Bush(es)
Review: The Battle Of Algiers
Culture: The Word On The Street
The Locker Room
Greens Under The Bed
The wild-eyed friend of the polo set, John Anderson, launched himself with a gusto into the Tool Shed after a remarkable week on the campaign trail.
They say that the last refuge of a scoundrel is patriotism, a fact that wasn't lost on Anderson who draped himself in the flag this week with dire warnings that the evil Bolsheviks from the ALP would replace the Australian flag with the Southern Cross made famous at Eureka.
This, of course, is why the National Party (which is neither) that Anderson leads so proudly defends the ideals that helped keep China British.
Speaking of China: in a nostalgic throwback to the fifties, the increasingly erratic Anderson accused the Greens of being little more than communists.
Green's leader Bob Brown's retorted, quite correctly, that earlier this year Anderson was queuing up to do business with the largest communist country on the planet, while the only people shut out of the show were those 'communistic' Greens.
Prior to that our Tool Of the week made a right goose of himself by taking on one of the most popular rural politicians in Australia, the very-independent Peter Andren, Member for the central-western seat of Calare.
Anderson showed his respect for rural voters by calling them 'ignorant' for supporting Andren, who he tried to portray as some kind of Labor stooge.
Of course ignorance is a subject near and dear to Anderson's heart. After all, he is the guy running around saying that the Free Trade Agreement is great for rural folk because it means that their jobs and services will disappear. It has a subtle logic.
The village idiot of the coalition enamoured himself with the bush by suggesting that country people love a two tiered health system. Well, it certainly saves them the trouble of having to have adequate medical or dental care, eh John?
This is the sort of thing that helps Anderson deflect people away from trivialities like petrol hitting $1.50 a litre in his electorate, why the telephone system in Coonamble is stuck in the 19th century, why he wouldn't give an export license to the Mudgee Abattoir leaving hundreds in his electorate facing unemployment, or why he wouldn't have a clue what road conditions are like for his constituents are because the fool flies everywhere.
No doubt Anderson's vision of egalitarianism is a Piper Cherokee in every garage.
His constituents will no doubt be looking forward to hearing why bombing the crap out of one of our largest customers has been so good for our wheat exporters.
Our Tool Of The Week is a shining example of why the National Party has dissolved into an irrelevant rabble.
Keep it up John, you're the best advertisement your opposition could ever hope for.
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