Satire

New Refugee Crisis: Journalists Flee Peace Zone

The camps are once again full in the Albanian border town of Gruntiez.

As peace breaks out across much of the former Yugoslavia, thousands of journalists are pouring over the border into Macedonia, Albania and Montenegro. The journalists, mostly ethnic Americans, but including minority groups such as the European, Asian and African press corps, are fleeing theoutbreak of peace within the Serb province of Kosovo, which has completely destroyed the previously thriving economy of this small, but hardy community.

They all have stories to tell: a lack of beatings, not being threatened at gun point, being ignored by Serbian authorities, being woken in the middle of the night by the sudden lack of gunfire and bombings. One man told of how his previously reliable source, a Serbian unit commander who spoke 'pretty good' English and would hurl abuse at foreign media and the 'devil US Clinton bastard prick eater' suddenly changed overnight with the outbreak of peace.

'It was all "no comment" and conciliatory words after that' he cried. 'What am I going to do?'. As we walked along the barbed wire fences of the camps, cries of 'Give us a statement' and 'how do you feel?' prevent on-lookers from forgetting for one moment the desperate human drama being played out in these forlorn, rocky hill-towns.

The journalists, hungry and starved of useful material, are willing to go to almost any lengths to obtain printable copy or images for their waiting audience. In one camp, a brief scuffle which broke out between two Albanian border guards over a carton of Marlboros was the subject of a frenzied mob, all desperate to report the 'scoop' from the 'battle-zone'.

Dozens were injured as journalists crouched, performed walking pieces to camera or simply launched themselves bodily while holding camcorders at the fighting soldiers in pathetic attempts to take statements from the two.

Many have taken to injuring themselves in an attempt to establish that they are 'in danger'. We saw one group filming a commercial aircraft flying far overhead, describing it as 'an American B52, laden with bombs and headed for war-torn Belgrade'.

Dr Jules Etienne, a field surgeon with Medicine sans Frontiers, said the journalists were suffering from the typical effects of peace time on a war correspondent. 'We are seeing journalists arriving well-nourished, with a lack of cuts and bruises' he said. Dr Etienne has seen many of the worst humanitarian crises in Somalia and Angola, but nothing could have prepared him for the sight of the journalists. 'They crouch most of the time, looking over their shoulders. They all wear those jackets that have lots of pockets but have no sleeves' said the surgeon, his voice bewildered. 'And they wear these lame WW2 surplus helmets that look like they were pinched off the set from M*A*S*H. Why do they do that?'

Perhaps worst of all are those who, near catatonic and without sleep for days, continue to file stories of a war that has already ended, detailing battles and sorties that have not happened. These victims of the war's darkest practice, the so-called 'ethical cleansing' of journalists, are the subject of a special UN investigation.

If it is established that Serbian and NATO forces have deliberately deprived the journalists of access to news-worthy material, it is possible that their leaders could be indicted for 'crimes against the viewing public'. Such a trial by media would be the first of its kind since the Korean War.

NATO spokesmodel Jamie Shea said that no compromise concerning the journalists would be considered. 'We are conscious of the approach of winter, and the corresponding difficulty in securing television-quality images during the colder months' he said. Air-drops of video-tapes, batteries for Iridium satellite phones and foam rubber microphone coverings in some inaccessible areas of the Serbian province would be considered as possible tactics to assist during the humanitarian operations. He argued that 'Serbian non-aggression' was solely responsible for the plight of the journalists. 'The reality is that NATO is not accountable for this outbreak of peace - we are merely responding to Serbian non-aggression.'

It should not be thought that these journalists have merely been abandoned by the Balkan nations. The decision by NATO to accept the Serbian peace terms has meant that the previously unshakeable ideological platform on which these journalists worked has been destroyed. 'I just don't get it' said one journalist. 'First the Serbs are the bad guys, and its all 'Clobba Slobba' in the headlines of the Sun. Now there's peace, and we're all friends again ... I just don't understand. We don't have anyone to demonise now. What will happen to us?' He asked me whether people in the West know or care of their plight. He asked me about life back in my country. 'Is there peace there all the time as well' he asked, his voice breaking with emotion.

'And you' he said, turning to me with a glint in his eye, 'how do you feel?'

Compiled from wire reports by Chaser Correspondent Dave Stewart in London

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»	Water Staff Pull Plug on Pay Talks
»	Hotel Survey Warns of New Years Labour Crisis
»	Pfizer Jerks Workers Off
»	Shafted: Howard Squibs on Entitlements
»	Olympics Jobs Shortage Looms
»	Nurses Change Tack on Public Health Campaign
»	Actors Save Conditions from Reith Attack
»	Global Mariner Shines Spotlight on Howard Shipping Policy
»	New Currawong Deal Ends 25 Years of Trying
»	Hands off Workers Comp
»	Scully Off the Rails Over Contract Security
»	PiersWatch and The Chaser in Mega Merger Deal
»	Apology to Dr Bridget Griffen-Foley

»	Guest Report
»	Sport
»	Trades Hall
»	Piers Watch

»	Upcoming Chippo Politics Events
»	Bright Oakdale Idea
»	Calling All Linesmen
»	Dissent Within the Ranks!!
»	Reply to Don Macchiato

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