||Issue No. 228||09 July 2004|
Thai-ed in Knots
Interview: Power and the Passion
Unions: Tackling the Heavy Hitters
Industrial: Seeing the Forest For The Wood
Housing: Home Truths
International: Boycott Busters
Economics: Ideology and Free Trade
History: Long Shadow of a Forgotten Man
Review: Chewing the Fat
Poetry: Dear John
The Locker Room
Libs have Got To Go
A Boring Bastard
A Home Of Their Own
Strewth! It's enough to give you the tomtits, but US Deputy Secretary of State Richard Armitage has made himself look a right merchant banker after getting his knickers in a twist over a certain expression.
Old Dick told the fish and chip wrappers that "it's not as if anyone's playing hide the sausage" over Iraq. Well, that's not how the happy snaps from Abu Grahib appeared.
Punters have cause to ponder that maybe old Dick isn't quite up to speed on what the expression 'playing hide the sausage' refers to. It's hardly a reference to being secret squirrel (unless maybe you're playing it with your mate's trouble and strife), but more a heads up on a bit of horizontal folk dancing.
I suppose he was wanting to come over all ridgy-didge but, strike me pink, instead he ends up looking a right galah. It was all part of some bulldust about the Labor Party being at sixes and sevens on account of this dodgy Iraq caper.
Now, your average sheila and bloke, be it in Steak and Kidney or beyond the black stump, doesn't have a lot of time for earbashers like Dick, and it's hardly a fair cop to have someone take the snakes out of the land beneath your plates of meat.
If they have a crack at that sort of caper you'd suppose they'd be on the money, but just as our Tool Of The Week missed the ticket over Iraq, he's bunged on the quinella by coming the raw prawn over the workers friends in Canberra. Maybe he's a thick as two planks and thinks Judi Moylan is a member of the Labor party.
Truth be told most of us would rather they kicked a few goals for peace and put the kybosh on this Iraq palaver, instead of trying to play hide the sausage with Australian jobs over this free trade bizzo.
Crikey, most of us would rather drown worms than put up with the dronings of some joker who doesn't know whether he's coming or going. Someone should tell this drongo to put a sock in it and stop trying to piss in our pockets.
It is bad enough having bull artists like the prime miniature nagging away on the box about mateship when he's got no mates without having a chook like Dick flapping on about something he knows three fifths of bugger all about.
What would be grouse would be if someone tipped Dick the good oil that he should pull his head in and stop trying to pretend his Iraq show isn't as rooted as an old bloke's dog.
For the benefit of our septic Tool here is the opening few bars of the septic national anthem in a dialect old china Dicky Armitage might understand:
Oh say can you butchers
By sparrow farts burning strike
The star spangled banner...
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