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Issue No. 222 | 28 May 2004 |
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The New Radicals
Interview: Machine Man Unions: Testing Times Bad Boss: Freespirit Haunts Internet Unions: Badge of Honour National Focus: Noel's World Economics: Safe Refuge International: Global Abuse History: The Honeypot Review: Death And The Barbarians Poetry: Who Wants to be a Millionaire?
The Soapbox The Soapbox Sport Politics Postcard
 Howard The Chucker
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Tool Shed Twin Tools
***** Someone once said that California is 770 miles long, 250 miles wide and two inches deep. Therefore it should come as no surprise that a place so shallow could throw up a leader of such intellect as the Gropernator, Arnie Schwarzenegger. They say that art imitates life, but in America it appears that politics imitates Hollywood with Arnie set to reprise a role he made famous in the film Twins. In this new version the role made famous by Danny DeVito will be played by another failed science experiment from the 50s, John Howard. Howard's audience with Governor Schwarzenegger is part of his US junket for a photo-op with the mad cowboy himself, George Bush. As it happens Schwarzenegger's Kalifornia is in the market for natural gas, and Howard is trying to sell them some pup from the BHP. Unfortunately the Californians place a high priority on safety and human life, so it doesn't really look like a deal that would suit the BHP. Then again, if the Californians are after hot air why don't they just plug in Howard? So what do Howard and Schwarzenegger have in common? Well they're both wacky off-the-wall right wingers who lead lives that are totally out of touch with the concerns of ordinary working people. Howard, of course, is the real terminator - just ask anyone who used to work in the Federal Public Service. Despite their shared belief in the might of the U.S of A, and its divine right to run the universe, there is one area of profound difference. One has visions of himself as a muscled military strongman blowing away bad guys with hand held heavy artillery, and the other is a movie actor. All this circus is really about is getting the ego of the Prime Miniature over the line come the next Federal Election. It remains to be seen whether this is a core or non core media stunt. Who cares about the dead, the maimed, the destitute, the sick, the uneducated or the intellectually insulted that John Howard has crawled over on his way to what laughably passes as the top. He wants to stay Prime Minister for as long as he wants to, and he isn't going to let pesky little issues like a sane foreign policy or competent management of national affairs stand in his way. Why, when his idiot grin can be bobbing up next to serial lunatics like Schwarzenegger. Our Twin Tools deserve each other. Arnie might be the master of the meaningless one liner but he will get a good run from Howard, who's attempt to deliver a ham fisted wedgie last week fell as flat as Sydney's housing market. Howard declared that marriage was an institution that consisted of a union between a man and a woman, not a man and a sheep, as preferred by elements of the National Party. Methinks he doth protest too much. Still, it's hardly a surprise - it was, after all, THE issue of the US presidential campaign for the last month - and Howard, like Arnie, knows how to follow a script. God knows he'd have to, the cretin hasn't had an original idea since Mal Fraser hired him straight out of the fourth grade. Howard could pass himself off as a Thespian. He manages quite well with the straight face routine when saying that he cares about reconciliation, human rights or working people. That must take some acting. He should work more on his delivery though, his lips appear to move but nothing is coming out. Schwarzenegger has one famous line that Howard won't be using after the next election. "I'll be back."
Nominate a Tool!
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