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Issue No. 130 05 April 2002  
E D I T O R I A L

Lights Out on The Hill
If it's any consolation, the Labor Party is not alone in tying itself into knots over what it stands for in the 21st century.

F E A T U R E S

Interview: Change Agent
ALP national secretary Geoff Walsh on the changing nature of politics, the influence of the corporates and the upcoming review of the party.

Industrial: Balancing the Books
Jim Marr talks to one of the beneficiaries of the historic equal pay decision for librarians and archivists.

Unions: Breaking Out
When a bank executive stepped into the witness box to defend the gagging of a worker from talking to the media, the excuses collapsed into a sea of psycho-babble.

Politics: Pissing on the Light on the Hill
Paul Smith argues that those who don�t like the ALP's Socialist Objective should consider joining another party.

History: Of Death and Taxes
He was a conservative economist who became the darling of the Left. Neale Towart looks back on the myth and realty of James Tobin.

International: Now That's a Strike!
After one of the largest mobilisations of workers in history, Italian trade unionists are planning to do it all again.

Satire: Mugabe Voted Miss Zimbabwe: Denies Election Rigged
The newly re-elected Zimbabwean President, Robert Mugabe, has officially been crowned Miss Zimbabwe, describing his triumph as �a victory for black fashionablism�.

Poetry: Flick Go The Branches
Once upon a time, the song �Click Go The Shears� could be heard echoing through the pubs of vibrant country towns.

Review: Red, Red Clydeside
Renowned folk singer Alistair Hulett is currently touring Australia with his new album �Red Clydeside�. He speaks to Nick Martin.

N E W S

 NAB Gambles, Aussies Lose

 Brogden's Worker Creds On The Line

 Cole Cleans Up

 Melbourne Faces Budget Day Gridlock

 Equity Drive Gathers Steam

 Unions Call for Middle East Peace

 Queensland Casuals Step Forward

 Worker Stood Down for Dunny Action

 Zoo Workers in Wage Jungle

 Indigenous Jobs on Union Agenda

 Building Workers Honour Fallen Cop

 Robbo and Latham to Go Three Rounds

 ACT Health Workers Flex Muscles

 Small Victory at Shangri-La

 Casual Rights On Agenda As Full-Time Jobs Collapse

 Workers Health Centre Offers Affordable Care

 Activists Notebook

C O L U M N S

The Soapbox
What's Wrong With the Liberals
Liberal figure and ARM chief Greg Barnes argues that the modern Liberal Party has little to do with liberalism.

Sport
When The Axe Comes Down
Phil Doyle braved the crowds at the Royal Easter Show to witness one of the giants of the wood-chopping game.

Week in Review
Battle Cries
What an Easter � Sydneysiders soak up the sun saluting Sunline while, elsewhere, the dogs of war are slipping their chains.

Postcard
Razor's Edge
Vince Caughley writes from Woomera where he participated in the protests over the Easter Long weekend.

L E T T E R S
 Puplick's Sermon
 Chikka's Legacy
 Socialists in the UK
 Organising Globally
 Grape Disappointment
 Union Resignations : Crisis or Opportunity?
WHAT YOU CAN DO
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Satire

Mugabe Voted Miss Zimbabwe: Denies Election Rigged

Extracted from The Chaser

The newly re-elected Zimbabwean President, Robert Mugabe, has officially been crowned Miss Zimbabwe, describing his triumph as �a victory for black fashionablism�.
 
 

The Chaser

But the victory comes amid concerns that the judging process may have been tainted.

Several members of the nine-man judging panel expressed surprise at the 438 to 9 vote outcome. However, 78-year-old Mugabe explained the freakish result by saying, "What I may lack in youth I more than make up for with bootyliciousness."

Mugabe was warmly greeted by his supporters after the victory, including Miss South Africa and Miss Nigeria, who described Miss Zimbabwe's masculinity and long-lasting marriage as "minor administrative oversights".

The dictator raised eyebrows early on in the pageant, answering the question, "If you were crowned Miss Zimbabwe what would you try to achieve?" with, "World domination and the mass slaughter of white farmers." But he easily won the field over in the talent section when he demonstrated his ability to exterminate all who oppose his agenda, using two of the judges and all of his competitors as examples.

Fearing Mugabe may compromise the integrity of the beauty pageant, world monitoring body Entertainment Tonight sent several observers.

Their interim report cited several instances of judges' free will being impaired, including descriptions of lengthy, desperate queues being stalled at the emergency exits just before Mugabe took part in the swimsuit section.

The report went on to warn that a failure to discipline Mugabe could damage the credibility of the Miss Universe Pageant as the pre-eminent beauty competition in the universe.


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