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  Issue No 114 Official Organ of LaborNet 05 October 2001  

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Sport

Noel Hester: Life Without Football


A football fan doesn't have to read some fat tome by an obscure Frenchman to grasp the finer points of philosophy. Existentialism (as in crisis) is an annual malady that strikes us all down following the last weekend in September.

 
 

Noel Hester

This is a very difficult time that spawns a syndrome unrecognised by medicine, policy makers or that fringe minority of society that hates football. Off season depression can't be cured but there are some techniques you can practice to help if you don't want to take drugs on a continuous basis for the next four months till the preseason practice games. Here are some suggestions to pass the time between bounce ups:

Speculate Who We Are Going To Pick Up In The Draft - the meat market that is the draft is a reasonable week following the Grand Final to build up your resistance before you hit complete cold turkey. The true power relations of football are on show here with relativities that are at first confusing. Footballers between the ages of 24 and 27 are regarded as middle aged. If you're over 27 you are old and vulnerable to footy euthanasia. Even if you have barracked and played for the same team all your life you could still find yourself on a plane - or with the collapse of Ansett it may be a bus - to some football Siberia like Fremantle. During the week of bartering every single player up for grabs is definitely going to Sydney then at the end of the week the Swans find they've only ended up with the crumbs from Collingwood's table. It is the only time the club powerbrokers listen to the fans. Those chants of 'Pay Cuts All Round' after we've been trashed again in the first week of the finals become club policy. 21 year old spivs like Trent Croad are wooed by the attractions of a sexy property market in Sydney to amuse himself with. Champion old warriors like Mick Martyn who want to play on begin to look disturbingly like and be treated like some hobo fallen on hard times. Loser teams like Saint Kilda delude themselves that they can swap a weight-challenged mediocrity like Barry Hall for a sublime Michael O'Loughlin. Overachievers such as those Bastard Bombers try to improve their list by unloading awesome talent like Mark Mercuri. The dominant trade is for some 'overpaid' star for a promising 17 year old who is cheap. The trade period is a disgusting but compelling moment when the corporate underside of footy is on full display.

Form Alliances To Isolate the Mexicans0 - That old Italian football critic Tony Gramsci thought up the concepts of War of Position and War of Manoever. In bad times you have the War of Position when you organise and consolidate your forces ready for the War Of Manoever when you nuke the opposition. (This is a very simplistic interpretation of Tony's ideas. He had a very big brain and used some very long words but trust me I'm pretty sure this is what he meant.) My first skirmish in the war of position (offseason 2001) is to form the Northern Alliance in Mexico or NAM (not to be confused with the irrelevant confection in Afghanistan fighting the Taliban.) That is, one between Sydney Swans and Brisbane Lions fans to keep the Mexicans in check. The deal is we support each other when we play any of the other teams in the competition with a break in the ceasefire on the days when we play each other.

Watch Cricket - for the footy junkie it's a weak dose of methadone but it still gives a bit of a hit. Has become somewhat one dimensional in recent years with the dominance of the Aussies and the dodginess of the results. Boilover As Bangladesh Bowls Pakistan is a headline which can only invite cynicism.

Get Foxtel - spare me the PC diatribes about giving money to the Evil Empire. Papa Doc Murdoch has been losing squillions on Foxtel for years. Every subscription is a nail in the EE's coffin. That's going to be my rationalisation anyway. And I don't mind a bit of English Third Division soccer, Canadian ice hockey, Brazilian go-cart racing, Icelandic curling. One has to be open to the world.

Replay Videos of the Season Just Passed - I have a mate who records all the Swans games, pausing the VCR whenever the opposition gets the ball. These videos are absolutely fantastic for the self-deluded even after a season of mind boggling mediocrity like this one just passed. They make us look like we have completely dominated every opposition team in every single game.

We are as we dream we are. We are the champions.


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*   View entire issue - print all of the articles!

*   Issue 114 contents

In this issue
Features
*  Interview: Thinking Smart
With education a key priority, Labor's spokesman Michael Lee will emerge as a key player in the upcoming campaign.
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*  Unions: In the Spotlight
The Public Education Convention placed the spotlight firmly on the performance and prospects of our federal politicians.
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*  Campaign Diary: Election Form Guide
So they're off and racing in the 2001 stakes. Right now it's looking more like a handicap, but we're going along for the ride.
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*  Education: Applying the Blowtorch
Veronica Apap reports on how teachers are planning to elevate education in the upcoming federal campaign.
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*  History: Australia�s Orwell
Stephen Holt argues that the life of Jim Maloney contained echoes of the literary legend's own political journey.
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*  International: Brazil Loses Child Labour Warrior
The global trade union movement against child labour has lost one of their brightest forces to a brutal assassination.
*
*  E-Change: 3.4 The New Governance
In the last instalment in their series on technological change, Peter Lewis and Michael Gadiel look at the challenges politics has yet to meet.
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*  Satire: Qantas Denies New $7770 Domestic Fares 'Exploitative'
Australia's largest domestic carrier Qantas has rejected suggestions that it's new $7770 fares between Sydney and Melbourne are taking advantage of the airline's recently inherited monopoly.
*
*  Review: Dark Music for Dark Souls
The term Industrial Music represents a wide variety and coalition of musical forms, Adam Lincoln explains.
*

News
»  Corporate IT Training in Labor's Sights
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»  Ansett Battle Moves to Top End of Town
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»  Ansett Families Jeer Howard The Saboteur
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»  Ansett Workers Hit the Hustings
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»  Email Bullies in Medibank Pay-Back
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»  Unions to Campaign Against Workplace Racism
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»  WorkCover's Adverts 'Devoid of Meaning'
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»  Principals Warn Of Critical Shortage
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»  Nurses Release Federal Policy Proposals
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»  The Aged Care Monster
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»  IT Workers Get Union Voice
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»  New Partnership for Sustainable Energy Industry
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»  One Hundred Strike Over Crane Accident
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»  CEPU Official for Telstra Board
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»  Qld Casual Workers Pay Increases
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»  The Workers United, Need a New Slogan!
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»  Activists Notebook
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»  Vale: Frank Belan
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Columns
»  The Soapbox
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»  Sport
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»  Trades Hall
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»  Tool Shed
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Letters to the editor
»  The President and the Terrorist
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»  Confessions of a Grand Final Loser
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»  A Plan for Australia
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»  Sleeping on the Job
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